


The Beauty in Catharsis

by terrifiedatbest



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - Future, Anxiety, Blue Haired Josh Dun, Bottom Tyler, Confusion, Depression, Eventual Smut, Fantasy, Fear, Fluff, Future, Happy Ending, Infatuation, Insecurity, Lies, Loneliness, Love, M/M, Magic, Mentions of Christianity, Panic Attacks, Romance, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Top Josh, Virtual Reality, lots of fluff, no one really understands what's going on, not even me tbh, that's okay we'll work with it, vr, year 2061
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-02
Updated: 2018-08-23
Packaged: 2019-04-05 16:29:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 27,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14048274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/terrifiedatbest/pseuds/terrifiedatbest
Summary: Tyler Joseph doesn't have a purpose.He decides to search for it in the unknown, in the one thing he was told not to do.He meets someone.Someone with the moon in his eyes and flowers growing out of his palms, someone utterly breathtaking.The issue? Nothing feels right....a·me·lio·rate/əˈmēlyəˌrāt/verbmake (something bad or unsatisfactory) better.





	1. The First Night

**Author's Note:**

> i plan on updating this at least once every other week  
> thanks for reading, it means a lot

The bottom of Tyler’s tattered shoes hit the ground in melodic thumps as he hurried along the route he’d been memorizing over the last few weeks. His chestnut tinted eyes flickered from building to building, straining to find the one he was searching for.

It should’ve been easier to find, and he figured 50 years ago it might have been, but every structure he walked by looked as if it was a replica of the one before it. Aside from the occasional building emerging higher than the others, like a dandelion in tall grass growing further than usual to see the sunlight, there was no variation. Everything was a lifeless shade of gray. The old cracked sidewalks, the deserted houses covered in cobwebs, the empty stores, the cloudy sky- all numbingly gray.

There were no people around him. No one was strolling around town, there were no kids laughing at each other’s jokes, no stressed businessmen conversing in hushed voices, there was nothing. It was quiet, but not the comforting silence he longed for. Instead it was a deeply unnerving silence, the kind that sent shivers down one’s spine. 

Tyler was sick and tired of seeing the same things every day. He wanted to experience something,  _ anything _ , that contrasted the disgustingly meaningless environment he lived in. 

Tyler felt a gust of wind shoving him forward and he instinctively pulled his hoodie up further to cover his neck. He felt too vulnerable and he hated it. 

He sighed in anxious relief when he finally spotted the sign he’d been on the lookout for. The text read “JOE’S VR STORE” in cracked, faded, blue-black paint. 

“For your best VR experience, Joe’s has got your back.” Tyler muttered under his breath, not having to read the text on the door to know what it said. He’d memorized the cheesy line years ago when he’d first walked by this place. Those words had been swimming around in his head for longer than he’d like to admit.

His fingers grazed the glass door and he opened it as casually as he could. Opening a door wasn’t as easy a task as you’d think with his limbs being so jittery. He stepped inside and jumped at the little, high pitched bell that rang when he did so. Warmth circled around him from the heating in the small shop and he could taste a hint of cinnamon in the air. 

“Hey.” Tyler quickly turned to his right to face the person who’d spoken. “Anything I can help you with today?” 

In stark contrast to the tattoos covering his body from head to toe, the boy’s voice sounded almost child-like. He had a friendly smile on his face and nonchalant posture. Tyler was relieved to see someone who looked to be his own age.

“Y-yeah.” Tyler responded, silently cursing himself for stuttering already. “I was wondering if you sold any equipment for someone new to VR?”

“We do, let me go on back and get the basic kit to show you.” The boy nodded and stepped into a storage room behind the counter for around a minute or so before returning with two book sized cardboard boxes. He set them on the counter carefully before reaching to close the storage room door behind him.

The boy motioned for Tyler to step closer and Tyler obliged, getting to the point where his elbows were resting on the counter and making the flimsy thing wobble a bit. The boy (or Max, which his name tag identified him as) opened the first box after wiping some dust off the top of it to show Tyler what it contained. Max’s bony fingers with the word “doubt” spelled out along them reached inside and pulled out a machine about the size of a toddler’s shoe that looked eerily similar to an old projector teachers used to use in schools. 

“This is what’s called a scanner. You’re meant to set it on a stable surface and press the ‘on’ button. From there it’ll start scanning your body to create an accurate model of you in the virtual reality. You’ll have to slowly rotate yourself 360 degrees once only for 30 seconds. It’ll cover everything from there once you plug it in with everything else. Of course, you can edit some things about your appearance if need be and even sculpt a new and improved version of yourself for the VR system, but this is a great starting point.” 

Tyler nodded, eyes following Max’s hands as he set the scanner back in the box and lifted out an odd looking stylus shaped device with a glowing red button on the top of it. “This is pretty much the remote control for the system. This button turns green when everything else is set up correctly. You click the button when it’s green and it knocks you out of the real world and takes you to the VR lobby. You’ll have to plug a wire to the bottom of the remote too.”

Max opened the other box next, taking out maybe 10 different colored wires and explaining to Tyler that he’d need to stick them to his forehead so they could detect his brainwaves and then he’d need to attach them all to a connector chord where they’d connect to the scanner and remote. Max said the directions were very specific and should help Tyler if he was confused about anything.

Tyler was beginning to feel suffocated, overwhelmed, but a sense of excited urgency drowned out the voice in his head telling him to walk away without purchasing the VR set. When Tyler was asked if he’d want to buy it he said yes.

With shaking hands he typed out his mother’s code for the family’s yearly cryptocurrency budget they were given to spend on unnecessary items for enjoyment purposes. He hit okay and forged her signature before he could second guess himself. 

His mother hand always told him VR was dangerous, it was a sinful activity. She would say to him that if God wanted there to be multiple realities he would have made them. She wanted the best for Tyler, she really did, and this was  one of the only things she’d asked him not to do. 

Now look at him, he’d stolen his mom’s cryptocurrency code and was using it to buy something she’d despise without telling her of it.

_ What would she do if she ever found out?  _ Thoughts were crowding together in Tyler’s mind on his way back home after stuffing the expensive VR system into his backpack so his mom wouldn’t see it if she was home. 

Tyler tried to calm down my reminding himself that it was normal to experiment with VR, that he was the only 16 year old he’d ever heard of who hadn’t tested it out yet. Most jobs had been taken over by robots in the last 30 years and no one really had a purpose in this universe anymore, so people decided to create different ones.

He had to tell himself it was okay to try, he had to push his mother’s pleading voice out of his head, he had to remember that this was the only shot at joy he had left. If he could never find joy life was pointless, wasn’t it?

When he found himself at the door of his family’s apartment after climbing multiple floors of their apartment building on an elevator, he typed in the PIN code and a slot opened to scan his eye for an identity check. He stared ahead calmly until the blue light disappeared about 5 seconds later and stepped through the door when he heard it unlock.

He was greeted by his brother sitting at the kitchen table eating a sandwich.

“Hey, Tyler.” 

“Hi, Zack.” Tyler replied, praying that his voice wouldn’t crack.

“How was your walk?”

“Good, thanks. I’m actually going to go to my room and put my hoodie away.” Tyler’s shoulders tensed up and he hoped Zack would believe him as he moved his limbs one by one, carrying himself to his room in a desperate attempt to make sure nothing looked weird.

“Tyler…?” Zack spoke when Tyler’s hand was turning the doorknob, two feet away from safety.

“Yeah?” Tyler asked, almost slapping himself at the dragged out, guilty sound he’d made.

“Why’d you take your backpack?”

_ Fuck. _ Tyler thought, a million excuses going through his head with none of them being the least bit reasonable.

Zack’s eyes softened after a moment, a false sense of realization washing over his face. “Did you bring your ukulele?”

Tyler’s entire body relaxed.  _ Of course, yes. _ He’d brought his ukulele with him a couple of times on walks when the house was crowded and he needed space to practice the beloved instrument. “Yes.” He lied, not about to tell his brother that a ukulele wouldn’t fit in his backpack.

“Oh, cool.” Zack said, smiling sweetly and going back to eating his sandwich.

Tyler muttered “thank you” before stepping into his room and shutting and locking the door behind him. He sighed, relief coursing through his veins.

_ I’m safe. _

He slung his backpack off his shoulders and set it on his bed. His heart rate sped up just looking at it. He decided he’d hide it in his dresser until nighttime, when his family was asleep. They had soundproof walls that they were able to turn off and on, so noise wouldn’t be much of a problem. His main concern was people walking in while he was doing everything.

He sat down for a few minutes after hiding his bag in a drawer. He stared blankly at his periwinkle blue walls. He’d begged his mom to paint them that color when he was 11, he’d told her that it reminded him of the pictures he’d seen of the sky before it was covered in smoke and clouds.

She agreed to paint them after a month of him asking. She would have done it sooner, but she worked a lot. That was always strange to Tyler. Most moms didn’t work, most people didn’t work. She did though. She was a pastor at one of the only existing churches. She had to work a lot to promote the church, to keep it from being shut down by the government, to keep the services interesting, to plan mission trips.

Tyler jumped when he heard a knock on his door, a pathetic squeak finding it’s way out of his mouth. 

“Hey, you want anything to eat?” He heard his mom’s voice through the walls. 

“No, thanks.” He called back. “I think I’m just going to take a nap or something.”

“Okay, I’ll see you later then?”

“Yeah.”

“Love you, Ty.”

“Love you too.”

Tyler wasn’t going to take a nap. He didn’t think he’d ever be able to sleep again with the fear and guilt weighing on his chest, showing him just how powerful the force of gravity really was.

Instead of sleeping, he reached over to his desk and grabbed his mini piano. He set it on his lap and plugged in his headphones to the instrument. 

His fingers glided over the keys, creating sounds that made him want to cry. He wished he could do something with the music he created, but no one really cared about art anymore. Not in this world, anyway. 

Tears fell from his face when he started to play a song he’d written a year ago. It was melancholy, sickly sweet notes contrasting with a slow melody. He’d never written lyrics to the song, nothing he wrote would fit right. He knew he’d figure it out eventually, so he wasn’t in a hurry to finish the song. If all else failed, he could just leave it the way it was: an instrumental.

He lost track of time. Maybe it had been a few minutes, maybe a few hours, but Tyler heard another knock on his door.

“We’re going to bed, I’ll be gone early in the morning. Sorry if I woke you up, I just thought you should know.” It was Tyler’s mom again.

He set down his piano and took off his headphones, wiping tears from his eyes before opening his door to greet his mom.

“Goodnight, mom.” He whispered, hugging her. 

“Goodnight, sweety.” 

“I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon?”

“Yeah, I should be back by then. Make sure Zack gets enough to eat.”

“I will.”

And then they parted ways again, Tyler stepping back into his room and his mom walking across the apartment to her own. 

When Tyler was alone, he turned on the soundproofing feature his walls held. His breathing became heavy and ragged, his fingers opening his dresser drawer and setting his backpack carefully on his bed. He reached into the bag, taking out the two boxes he’d purchased earlier.

He opened the larger of the two, scanning over the instructions briefly to figure out which wires connected to what. After he’d set up the system, he realized that the button on the remote still shone red and remembered that he had to scan his body first.

He placed the scanner on his desk and pressed the on button, stepping back so his entire body was encompassed in red beams of light. He turned around slowly like he’d been told to and stopped when the rays flashed green and then turned off.

He lied down on his bed, attaching the wires to different parts of his forehead, different pressure points. The remote was green.

He didn’t allow himself any time to think, he just pressed the button, closed his eyes, and felt the world around him fade away.

…

Tyler opened his eyes. He was lying on the ground. It was cold, it felt like cement. He blinked a few times, trying to clear his eyes from the fogginess he saw. He gave up when he realized that the fog wasn’t just in his head, it was surrounding him, swirling carelessly in the air. 

Tyler sat up, rubbing his sore forehead. He glanced around, realizing he was still in his room. The only difference was the smoke, the absence of any furniture, and the sudden presence of multiple doors. Each door looked completely original, one covered in vines with the next frozen in ice. His eyes stopped when he saw an old, worn down, wooden door. It had a delicate moon carved into it, lavender buds trailing the ground up to it.

In the blue-washed lighting of the room Tyler was in the door looked like it was glowing. It seemed almost magical. 

Tyler moved closer to the door, close enough to read a small word carved under the crescent moon. “Ameliorate.” Tyler mumbled the word out loud, loving the way it felt on his tongue. It was a word he hadn’t seen before.  _ I’ll have to look it up later. _ Tyler thought.

He pushed open the door after deciding it was a good idea and a voice asked in a robotic tone, “Are you sure you want to enter  _ Ameliorate _ ? You won’t be able to change rooms this session.”

“Yeah, I’m sure.” Tyler spoke after getting over the initial shock of the question.

He moved the rest of the way in the room and as he did so the door slammed shut behind him. His mouth dropped open at what appeared in front of him. No, it wasn’t just  _ in front  _ of him. It was  _ all around him _ . 

_ There was grass _ . Bright, green grass. It was so soft under Tyler’s sock-covered feet, he couldn’t help but wiggle his cold toes in the ground. He looked up. The sky was a saturated shade of blue, even brighter than the blue of his walls. White clouds dotted the skyline. 

_ Who knew clouds could be any color aside from gray? _ Tyler thought incredulously.  

A smile tugged at his lips, rolling hills coming into view. Wildflowers grew out of the ground in clusters, oranges and yellows and pinks making him want to drown in color for the rest of time. 

He turned his head, and (if it was even possible) his jaw dropped even further. He let out a gasp.

There was an  _ ocean _ . Not like the oceans he’d heard of, the dark, polluted, lifeless bodies of water, no, this ocean was  _ blue _ . 

Bubbling crystal waves crashing into each other, joy radiating off of them. The scene was something he’d only ever seen in paintings and pictures from many years ago. His heart ached at how beautiful it all was. 

He giggled like a love-sick child at the sight of everything. There were even birds, seagulls he thought, flying overhead. He took the socks from his feet and threw them back, surprised when he didn’t hear them hit anything. He turned, jumping a bit when he realized the door was gone and that there was a continuous expanse of land behind him. 

The sun shone high in the sky, it was warm. Warmer than Tyler thought possible. He closed his eyes and breathed in the salty air, let the sun soak through his skin into his bones.  _ God,  _ it felt so real. He was so calm that he almost had a heart attack when he heard a soft voice come from somewhere near him.

“Hi.”

Tyler’s eyes flew open. This needed to stop happening or he genuinely  _ would  _ develop heart problems, because the boy standing in front of him stopped the muscle in Tyler’s chest from beating entirely.

“Hi.” Tyler squawked out in response.

“You new here?” The boy asked. 

_ Holy shit. _ The boy’s voice was prettier than the birds chirping around them, more soothing than the waves of the ocean falling together. His eyes were slanted and colored a light hazel and Tyler couldn’t help but stare. The boy’s hair was curled and fluffy, a faded shade of blue, blending in well with the sky above them. He had a piercing in his nostril with a silver ring slid through it. His skin was delecate and pale.

“Y-yeah.” Tyler mumbled, forgetting how to form many coherent noises.

“I’m kind of new here too, I’ve only been trying this out for, like, 6 months now.”

“Oh.” Tyler’s throat tightened. “This is my first time doing anything like this.”

“ _ Dude _ , really?” The boy smiled, and it was a smile made of sunshine and daisies and warm milk. It was the kind of smile that was contagious, and Tyler was grinning like an idiot a few seconds later. He nodded, a small “mhm” finding it’s way through his slightly parted lips.

“Can I show you around? I haven’t seen anyone else in this room yet, I think everyone’s more interested in the fast-paced, adventure-type stuff.”

“Please show me around, I don’t really know where to go. I’m kind of frickin’ overwhelmed right now.”

The boy laughed and Tyler thought he’d never be happy until he heard that laugh again.

“That’s normal, this is all pretty weird. I could show you the ocean first, it’s closest and I think I saw you staring at it.”

Tyler followed the other boy like a lost puppy (which described Tyler fairly well in general), taking in the backside of him. He was wearing a damp, white t-shirt and black skinny jeans. He wasn’t wearing shoes, his feet were covered in speckles of sand. He’d probably been walking along the beach before he saw Tyler.

Tyler suddenly bumped into the boy who’d frozen in his tracks and was turned to face Tyler once more. 

“Sorry.” He muttered shyly. “I forgot to introduce myself. I’m Joshua. You can call me Josh though, that’s what everyone calls me.” 

_ Joshua. Josh.  _ The name fit him perfectly.

“I’m Tyler.”

“I like that name. Tyler.” Josh smiled, showing off pearl-white teeth and making his eyes scrunch up in the most insanely gorgeous way. Tyler wanted to hear his name spoken from Josh’s mouth forever.

“Thanks.” Tyler tried to untie his tongue, continuing to follow Josh’s footsteps to the sea. When they reached the shore, the fragile line where grass met sand and hills turned into waves, Tyler turned to Josh and found the courage to speak. “I like your hair.”

“Thanks, I like yours.”

Tyler’s eyebrows scrunched up. “Why? My hair’s just brown. Pretty normal.” 

“That’s why I like it.” 

Tyler couldn’t figure out why Josh would like something  _ normal _ .  _ Why would anyone want more of that when there’s already so much of it? _ Tyler figured that everyone was different and Josh might just like Tyler’s hair. That’s it, no deeper meaning attached to it. He shrugged it off.

“Come on, Ty.” Tyler’s breath caught in his throat when he heard the nickname. It seemed every word that left Josh’s mouth made him more appealing.

Sickening electricity shot through Tyler’s arm when Josh gripped his wrist and pulled him gently along the warm sand to the water. Before Tyler could blink Josh was waist deep in water and his blue hair was staining his forehead. Tyler’s chest constricted when he noticed Josh’s white shirt stuck to his skin, allowing for his abs and chest to be seen through the fabric.

He wanted to wash the dirty thoughts out of his head with the salt water. Instead, he pulled his sweatshirt over his head and threw it onto the sand. He stepped into the chilly water, first taking cautious steps then large strides to catch up to Josh when he started to get the hang of things. 

The last thing Tyler was expecting to happen was for him to embarrassingly fall face first into the sea, Josh’s eyes following him all the way down, a smirk on his face.

“Careful.” Josh giggled, holding his hand out to help Tyler stand up.

Tyler thought for a moment, wanting to wipe the smug grin off Josh’s face. Rather than taking his hand, Tyler splashed water on Josh, feeling dizzy at the way it accentuated his body.

What could Tyler say, Josh was really freaking pretty. 

Josh’s eyes lit up with playfulness. “That wasn’t a good idea, Tyler.”

And then Tyler was drenched in cool, salty water. He didn’t care though. It felt amazing. He wiped his eyes and shouted at Josh, who’d already begun swimming away. 

They spent the next hour or two or three (Tyler had lost track of time) splashing each other and swimming and laughing and joking around. When they got too cold they moved to the sand, settling onto it, not caring that it’d be stuck to them for the rest of the day, or however long a VR session lasted for. 

Tyler wished it didn’t have to be VR.

He and Josh were sitting on the grass. The sand had become too itchy for them. It was still warm out, although the sun was setting over the horizon. 

“This is the first sunset I’ve ever seen.” Tyler mumbled, hand brushing Josh’s accidentally, making shockwaves jump around inside Tyler’s body. 

The pinks and purples and oranges were amazing, but he couldn’t tear his eyes from Josh for very long. Especially in this lighting, with the colors reflected in the whites of Josh’s eyes and his hair seeming more green than blue.

“They’re great, aren’t they?” Josh muttered back, fingers finding Tyler’s hand again. They didn’t stay there for long, maybe to appear friendly, but when their eyes met there was something there and Tyler knew he  _ needed  _ to see Josh more.

“Will you be here the next time I show up?” Tyler asked, not knowing the best way to phrase the question.

“Yeah. I’m here most of the time.”

“We’ll talk more then, right?” 

“Of course, if you want to.” Josh smiled.

“I do.” Tyler whispered. “I need to go back home though, I don’t know how long I’ve been here for and I have to…” He thought about saying he had to hide  _ this  _ from his mom but decided it wasn’t important. “I have to go.”

“Do you know how to get out?” 

“Um…” Tyler froze, realizing he didn’t.

Josh chuckled, sounding like honey, like roses, like feathers. “You just use the command ‘exit’.” 

“Thanks, Josh.” Tyler smiled, not wanting to break eye contact. “Exit.” Tyler mumbled softly, watching Josh’s face fade away and Tyler’s ceiling appear in it's place.

Tyler checked his clock. 4am. He sighed, tiredly putting away the VR set and curling up under his blankets, the images from earlier flashing behind his eyelids.


	2. Consumed

“Dude!”

Tyler’s eyes fluttered open reluctantly. He had been dreaming of blue- the water, the sky, the flowers, his walls, Josh’s hair.

The person calling at his door was Zack. Tyler’s lips formed into a lazy, tired smile despite the rude awakening. He and Zack had spent most of their childhood together. Schools weren’t necessary anymore, everyone had the internet to use as an educational tool. That or they could choose to have most all the information online transferred into their minds through a small device. As one can imagine, Tyler’s mom was strongly against that idea. 

So, rather than attending school or spending time with their endlessly-working mother, Tyler and Zack had grown up talking, joking around, throwing stuff at each other. They used to turn on the soundproofing feature in their house and scream as loudly as they could to see if it worked (it did). Sometimes they’d explored the apartment building, ignoring the fact that there wasn’t really much to explore. 

All of that took place before Tyler began growing increasingly distant, before his anxiety and existential loneliness really became a problem.

But he shouldn’t dwell on that. He read that online somewhere, the article told him it was best to direct his energy somewhere else. That’s where his music came in.

“ _ Tyler _ .” Zack raised his voice even more, tearing him from his thoughts.

“Hmm?” Tyler grunted in response, drawing the noise out longer than he needed to in an attempt to sound friendly, but it came out seeming more annoyed.

“I had to manually override your soundproofing to get you to hear me. Hasn’t mom told you before to turn it off at night incase I need you?”

Tyler swore his arteries almost clogged up in annoyance. He was too groggy to fully understand what was being said to him. Zack knew not to get upset with him early in the morning.

“Yep. Sorry ‘bout that.” He mumbled loudly.

There was a pause before Zack responded. “Okay.”

“Anything you needed?”

“No, just wanted to make sure you were alright I guess.” His voice cracked a little at the word “alright” and it made Tyler’s heart clench up. He felt bad that he’d been annoyed.

“Thanks, bud. I’ll be out in a few minutes to cook breakfast.”

“Mkay.” 

Tyler listened to Zack’s footsteps fade away as the boy moved further from Tyler’s room.

Tyler heaved himself out of bed with shaky limbs. The world started spinning for a moment or two before Tyler leaned his elbows on his desk for support, every movement he made reminding him that he was  _ not _ a morning person.

Then again, he had stayed up until 4:00am. He glanced at his phone. 

_ 6:02am. Yeah, that would explain it. _

His body was flooded with memories of the night before, memories of Josh’s careful fingers sweeping over Tyler’s. Tyler brought the knuckles Josh had touched to his lips, planting a soft kiss on them. It was as if Josh’s flesh had been burned into his own. That wouldn’t have been such a bad thing.

He smiled like an  _ idiot _ thinking about his blue-haired friend. Tyler didn’t know if they were even friends yet, it had only been a day (not even a day) since they’d met, but it wasn’t like Tyler was an expert at socializing. The only kid around his age he’d ever known well was Zack.

Tyler was having a hard time identifying the fluttery feeling in his chest he got when his mind would land on Josh. It was a feeling similar to the one he’d get when a panic attack would start forming, but it was friendly. The feeling wasn’t going to hurt him.

He shook his head in a desperate attempt to clear it before he started overthinking everything that took place the night before. 

He rubbed his wrist, rubbed the place that he’d thought endlessly about getting tattoos over. There was nothing on his wrist, not anymore, not in that moment, but touching the skin there was a habit, one he didn’t bother trying to rid himself of. It wasn’t worth the work.

He stumbled out of his bedroom after vigorously wiping at his eyes. He headed to the bathroom, nodding at Zack, who looked up from his phone when he heard Tyler’s door open.

Once Tyler had locked himself in the bathroom, he slumped over against the door. “‘M so fuckn tired.” He muttered to himself, laughing a little.

He brushed his teeth, splashed cold water on his face to wake himself up a little more, and headed back out to the kitchen. He and Zack shared polite conversation about the news, technology improvements, and the weather while Tyler cracked 6 eggs, scrambling them alongside some sausage and green peppers. When they finished cooking, he split the food evenly onto two plates and ate at the table next to Zack, who was still on his phone. 

“What’cha looking at?” Tyler spoke mid-chew, covering his mouth with a hand.

“I’m reading about basketball. Mom says I have to join a Christian team if I want to play, so until we find one of those I’m just learning about the rules of the sport and stuff.” Zack paused to giggle a bit. “Get this- 50 years ago basketball was huge, everyone knew what it was. Have you ever heard something so crazy? Like, I’d never heard anything of it before I read a history article that mentioned it.”

Tyler smirked. “Weird, huh?”

“Uh huh.”

Tyler scraped his fork along his off-white glass plate for a moment before taking a breath and abruptly standing up, causing Zack to look up from his phone once again.

“I’m gonna take a nap.” Tyler announced, taking both his own plate and fork and Zack’s.

“Cool, leave the soundproofing off though.”

“Will do.”

Tyler set the dishes on the countertop, making a mental note to move them to the dishwasher later.

He made his way back into his room, relishing in the privacy it offered him. 

_ Ameliorate.  _ The name of the door, the word he’d told himself to look up, popped into his head.

He sat down at his desk, pulling out his small tablet and typing up the word. The first thing to show up was the definition. 

“To make something bad or unsatisfactory better.” He read aloud. Something about that word sent shivers down his spine. It clicked with him on an animalistic level. That was just what he needed, just what the room had offered him when he entered it.

He couldn't help himself, he reached into his dresser and set up the VR system. His hands shaking in anticipation, he attached himself to the many wires and clicked the button-pen that would take him back to his wonderful haven. 

He stood up. He was in the same place as last time, but it seemed that the fog had cleared a bit. He hurried to the door. He wondered if Josh would be there. The thought made his heart skip a beat, causing him to stop with his hand on the doorknob. He took a deep breath and swung the door open, stepping inside. He heard the message he’d received last time, asking him if he really wanted to enter. 

“Yes.” He said, sure of himself. It wasn't any less strange than it had been the last time he’d done this, but in a way he was more confident. He knew what was coming. 

He watched as the grass appeared under him, the ocean coming into veiw along with the clouds and the skyline. 

He gazed around. When he looked back up he screeched in a not-so-manly fashion and tripped over his own feet, falling back onto the grass. 

When he looked back at the figure in front of him, he burst into painful laughter. 

“Hey, Ty.” Josh spoke through badly surpressed giggles. “You alright?” 

“Yeah, just don't sneak up on me like that, dude.” Tyler chuckled, laughter fading away as he stared at Josh’s features, the way they scrunched up while he laughed. 

Tyler lifted himself off the dirt, rubbing his pants clean. 

He realized he was wearing the same clothes he’d been wearing the day before. Probably due to the fact that he scanned himself in those clothes. 

Josh was standing less than a foot away from Tyler, their noses were almost touching. From close up Tyler was able to see all the specks of green in Josh’s eyes, the tiny freckles dotting his bare arms, the texture of his hair. Tyler sucked in a breath when he saw how dilated Josh’s pupils were. He looked so lovely. 

“Hi.” Tyler mumbled, breaking the awkward silence. 

“Hello.” Josh replied in his sickly sweet voice, tone almost mocking (although quite friendly).

Tyler could’ve stared at Josh for the rest of his life, but Josh was looking at the ground and blushing and Tyler felt it wouldn’t have been a great idea to continue looking at him so intensely.

“Wanna come skip stones with me?” Josh mumbled, still gazing at the ground, seeming very interested in a blade of grass by his right foot.

Tyler’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “What’s that? Is that some kind of drug?”

Josh’s head shot up at that, eyes meeting Tyler’s. His mouth was hanging open, but he didn't look shocked. More amused, actually. 

“No, Tyler! It's not a drug.” He seemed to find Tyler’s question hilarious, his breaths deep and long in between fits of laughter. Tyler didn't understand why, it seemed like a perfectly valid question to him. “It’s something I do to pass the time, come on, I’ll show you.”

As Josh lead Tyler to the ocean, Tylers mind raced trying to figure out what skipping stones could possibly mean. It sounded pretty sketchy to Tyler. 

“Are you  _ sure  _ it doesn't involve drugs?” 

Josh shook his head, smiling widely and glancing sideways at Tyler. 

He took Tyler’s hand in his own, intertwining their fingers. 

“It's a very innocent activity and you’re ruining it.” Josh responded fondly.

Tyler forgot how to breathe. Was his hand too sweaty? Was it normal for friends to hold hands? Were he and Josh friends yet? 

Josh must have seen the distress in Tyler’s expression, because he released his grip on Tyler’s hand and muttered out a small 'sorry’.

Tyler’s head lit on fire. He wanted to tell Josh it was okay, he was just thinking too much. Instead, he reached his clammy hand out and grabbed Josh's again. 

Josh’s hand was soft, but his palm was calloused. Tyler wondered how smooth the skin on his arms would be. He wondered how soft his lips were. 

Tyler shook his head quickly to bring himself back to reality. They’d made it to the beach. Josh was looking at him, lips tugged into a casual smirk. 

Tyler let go of Josh’s hand, rubbing where their fingers had touched. 

“Josh?”

“Yes?”

“This is going to sound stupid, but are we friends? I mean, I’ve never had a friend before so I don't really know how this works.”

Josh smiled warmly. “Yeah, we’re friends.”

“Okay.” Tyler smiled back, relief obvious in his voice.

Josh’s gaze shifted to look over the ground. “Help me find some flat rocks.” Tyler opened his mouth to protest, when Josh interrupted. “Don't ask why, just do it. I’ll explain once we each have a couple.” 

Tyler nodded reluctantly, still not understanding what was going on.

He knelt down, running his fingers through the sand. After he'd found 3 small rocks, he walked over to where Josh was standing.

Tyler’s eyes flitted down to Josh’s legs. Josh had taken off his jeans and was wading in the water. 

“I-I’ve got some rocks.” Tyler showed Josh nervously, hoping he had done okay.

“Cool.” Josh took one of the rocks he'd gathered in his right hand and flung it out into the ocean. Tyler frowned, wondering what the point of gathering the rocks was before he noticed the rock was  _ literally skipping over the water _ . 

“How’d you do that?” Tyler asked, awestruck. 

“I lined the flat side of the rock up with the water and just-” Josh slowed his movements so Tyler could see the way he moved his wrist and knew the point that he let go of the stone. “See?” Josh grinned. “Innocent.”

Tyler doubled over laughing. “I thought- oh my gosh!”

“Yeah.” Josh exclaimed, joining in the laughter.

Tyler’s first attempt to skip a rock was a fail, along with his second. He finally succeeded after Josh had grabbed his hand and helped him move in the right way.

They continued along the water, skipping stones, when Josh stopped to ask why Tyler hadn't tried VR sooner.

“My mom wouldn't let me. I haven't told her I got a set, but I needed to know what it was like.” When Josh nodded and let out a noise of understanding, Tyler added, “You haven't started until recently too, what’s your reasoning?”

Josh shrugged. “Never thought about it I guess.” 

Tyler suppressed his questions. He knew not everyone thought the same way he did, and who was he to judge if Josh hadn't been curious.

“Huh.” 

After a few minutes of peaceful silence battled by calming aqua waves and birds cawing in the distance, Josh spoke again. 

“What kind of music do you like? If any. I know music isn’t appreciated by many people these days.”

“I like most music, at least most old music. I can't stand anything that’s made by ai. The real stuff is so much better.”

“I know, right?” Josh seemed to tense up, like he didn't fully agree with Tyler. “I like stuff from the 2000’s. The 2010’s were the best, though.” 

“Mhm. I actually uh…” Tyler thought about telling Josh he made music, but he didn't want Josh to think he was silly for doing so. Tyler's mom had told him that before, that he should pursue a more godly career. Not to mention you couldn't even make a career out of music anymore.

“You what?” Josh asked in the middle of skipping another stone.

Tyler thought for what felt like hours before his brain decided that it’d be for the best to let down his defenses. He and Josh were friends, Josh said so. Josh probably wouldn't want Tyler to lie to him.

“I write write music. Sometimes.” Tyler eventually mumbled.

“Really?” Josh’s eyes lit up. Tyler instantly knew he wouldn't regret talking about his music from the facial expression Josh had taken on. 

“Yep. I sing. I play the keyboard and the ukulele. I know a little bass guitar too.”

“Dude, that’s  _ sick _ . I play drums.” 

Tyler smiled so wide it hurt his cheeks. “That's so cool.” 

“Thanks, I should show you my drum set eventually. It's in the little cabin I stay in, in the woods over there.” Josh pointed south to the line of scattered trees on the horizon.

“I'd like that.” Tyler said, reaching out for Josh’s hand again. He couldn't help it, the contact was addicting. 

“I like you, Tyler. You're nice.” Josh muttered under his breath, voice cracking a little in an endearing sort of way.

“I like you too, Josh.” Tyler mumbled back, smiling with crooked teeth showing, smiling so much his vision blurred, smiling more than he’d ever smiled in his life.

Tyler’s mom had told him once that everyone had guardian angels. Tyler thought that maybe he’d met his angel. He wouldn't be surprised, Josh seemed too perfect to be human.

Tyler squeezed Josh’s hand. “I like you a lot.”

Then they walked, fragile hands locked together, arms swinging to catch up with their strides. Their feet slowly collected grains of pale brown sand, heels stinging a bit from the pebbles scratching against them. 

They moved aimlessly along the shore, sometimes venturing into the sulfurous blue of the sea, sometimes circling around seagulls sat directly in the middle of their makeshift path.

They talked about their childhood, their siblings, Josh’s cabin hidden in the trees. They even got to the point of bringing up their anxieties, their fears, their deepest regrets.

As they walked Tyler saw many awe-inspiring things. He saw the sky turn red with the sunset, the ocean turning red along with it (he waded waist-deep into the water for a better view). He saw barn swallows fly directly above his head, swooping down with careful grace. He saw fluffy rabbits dash through fields of lavender, challenging each other to see who could get to the horizon faster. 

He saw everything he'd ever dreamt of, and yet, despite all the beauty surrounding him, he focused most of his attention towards Josh. Josh, with his milk chocolate eyes, his skin dotted with star-like freckles, his soft faded blue curls. Josh was the most breathtaking thing Tyler had ever laid his eyes on. 

Tyler thought Josh was perfect.

.

He awoke to the sound of Zack knocking on his door, saying that he had made lunch and asking if Tyler wanted any.

The best thing was that Tyler wasn't upset about it. In fact, he was smiling ear to ear, clutching at the fabric over his chest in an attempt to slow his heartbeat down enough to stand up. 

He was dizzy with thoughts of  _ Josh  _ and he knew he was falling too quickly but at least he knew he was falling. 

He sat up and bit the pale skin on the back of his hand. He was already thinking about when he could see Josh again.

It was crazy, this was all crazy and new, but Josh was there. Josh was alive on the same planet as Tyler and that was all that mattered. They could work out their future after they had figured out if one existed or not, but in that moment Tyler was high on saltwater and Josh’s sticky hand and he loved it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter 3 should be up by the end of the month  
> tyler is a poor boy who doesn't know about basic outdoor activities   
> oops he's fallin  
> anyways thanks for reading, the hiatus will end soon and we'll have new music and it'll be great so stay alive friends


	3. Intertwined

Four days had passed since Tyler first met Josh. Josh had taken Tyler to his little wooden cabin in the woods like he’d promised to. His drum set was  _ sick _ , but the way Josh played them was even better. He was so passionate about the instrument that he was bouncing up and down on the stool, smashing the drumsticks down as hard as he could without risking them breaking.

Tyler had stood there staring with an open mouth, embarrassing himself more than he needed to when Josh caught his eyes drifting to his exposed arms hammering away at the drums. When Josh was done and he asked what Tyler thought, Tyler said Josh was the best drummer he’d ever heard.

The next night, Josh showed Tyler a bird's nest he’d found in the woods and the two boys watched from afar as the mother Robin flew back and forth from the ground to her nest, feeding her peeping chicks. Tyler might’ve started tearing up at how wonderful the sight was, but there was no way he’d admit it to Josh. 

Currently, Tyler and Josh were standing at the base of a tall, sturdy looking tree, eyes fixed on the branches above them.

“I'm nervous.” Tyler admitted, glancing over to Josh. The other boy’s face was dappled in what morning sunlight could peek through the trees around them. His hazel eyes were bright and filled with warmth. Tyler felt better just looking at him. He felt safe with Josh.

“It's okay, I’ll catch you if you fall. I’ll be right behind you, Ty.” 

A few minutes earlier, in response to the question 'what do you want to do today’, Tyler had told Josh that he wanted to learn how to climb a tree. He’d never done that before. It wasn't like there was an abundance of trees in the real world. The closest he’d ever gotten to climbing a tree was when he climbed the stairs of his apartment building to stand on top of it, eyes fixated on the cement fifty feet below him. 

He didn't like to think about why he had been up there.

Tyler nodded in response to Josh’s reassurance. 

“It's pretty simple, y’know?” Josh spoke again. “See that branch right there? No, the one below it. There you go. Grab hold of that and pull yourself up until you’re sitting on it.” 

Tyler followed Josh’s instructions, and after a few failed attempts he found himself sitting on the branch of a tree. 

_ How cool is this?  _ He thought, smiling proudly.

“Good job, Tyler, but you’re going to have to get a little higher so I can follow you. Unless you're fine by yourself, of course.”

“No.” Tyler said immediately. It wasn't like he was scared of heights- he wasn't- he was scared of the memories associated with them. He didn't want to find out what would happen if he froze up 30 feet in the air.

He hoisted himself up two more large branches, getting the hang of things quicker than he thought he would have.

He glanced down, surprised to see Josh already under him waiting for him to climb further. 

Tyler continued to climb up the branches until they thinned out a bit and he was about 25 feet in the air. When they had stopped climbing, Josh was sitting on a branch next to the one Tyler was perched on, resting his back against the trunk of the tree.

“Josh?” Tyler muttered, not sure what he was planning on saying.

Josh opened his mouth to respond when Tyler heard a loud  _ snap _ and his vision blurred instantly.

He was scooped into Josh’s arms before he could fall, but his heart was beating out of his chest and he was shaking badly. 

Josh pulled Tyler even closer, so that Tyler’s back was pressed against Josh’s stomach and his head rested on Josh’s shoulder.

“You okay, sweetheart?” Josh whispered gently into Tyler’s ear.

Tyler couldn't speak, his voice seemed to have fallen away like the branch underneath him.

He cleared his throat the best he could and answered. “Yeah, I’m okay.” He could barely even register the fact that Josh had just called him  _ sweetheart _ , but it didn't go completely unnoticed. 

Josh's hands were wrapped around Tyler's chest, like a seatbelt, holding him safely in place. 

“Told you I’d catch you, huh?” Josh said through nervous chuckles. 

“You did.” Tyler sighed, allowing himself to melt against Josh’s body. Josh was warm and Tyler was surprised at how weird it felt to be so close to another person. He liked it a lot.

When Tyler noticed Josh’s head was nestled into Tyler’s neck and his lips were touching his skin his breath caught in his throat. He could feel his body stiffen up against his will in an attempt to hide how much he wanted to touch Josh's pretty face. 

“Everything okay?” Josh mumbled into Tyler's flesh. 

“Y-yes. Everything’s g-good.” Tyler gulped. He wanted to push himself against Josh, to sink into him completely and become a part of him, but he knew if he was any closer to Josh he’d crush him. 

“Mkay.” Josh mumbled sweetly, running a stray hand over Tyler's chest in a protective manner.

Tyler closed his eyes and took a deep breath, feeling Josh’s fingers move up with his expanding ribcage. The air was fresh, the pine trees added a sharp smell to it, one that Tyler had never experienced before. A gust of wind blew his fluffy hair side to side, swaying, begging him to close his eyes and fall asleep before he was kicked out of heaven.

Instead, he turned toward Josh.

“Can we walk around for a while?” He murmured, gaze drifting to Josh’s upturned lips. 

“Sure. Do you want help down?” 

Tyler nodded. He wasn’t about to risk having a branch snap under him again. He didn’t care that this was VR and not the real world, it felt real and he didn’t want to know what falling to his death felt like. 

After Josh had lead him down the tree and they were on solid ground, they began walking aimlessly through the woods. They spoke of nothing and everything at the same time. 

Tyler felt good. Until he didn’t. Until his head started screaming at him, telling him he was worthless, he was stupid, he was annoying. He didn’t know what caused it, but he was starting to panic and his eyes were watering and-

“Ty?” 

Tyler turned his body quickly to face Josh, trying his best to hide his tear filled eyes.

Before Tyler could blink, Josh’s arms were wrapped around him.

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know.” Tyler murmured into Josh’s shoulder, hugging him back. 

“That’s okay.” Josh said, running his fingers through Tyler’s hair. “I understand.”

“You do?” Tyler asked, sniffling.

“Yeah.”

They held each other for a while, as long as it took until Josh could feel Tyler’s body relax.

Once Tyler was calmer, Josh stepped away and spoke. 

“Do you want to come out to the cabin with me? I can make you tea and we can sit and talk.”

“That sounds nice.” 

They walked along the makeshift trail Josh had made through weeks of traveling back and forth. When they arrived at the small, cozy little cabin, Josh led Tyler inside and into his bedroom. 

“You can stay in here if you want, I’ll be back in a minute.”

Tyler nodded, watching Josh leave the room and head toward the kitchen before sitting down carefully on Josh’s twin sized bed.

Josh returned less than a minute later with a mug cradled in his hands. He sat next to Tyler, leaning back against the wall his bed was pushed into. Josh handed Tyler the cup, catching his eye and smiling at him sweetly.

“Thanks.” Tyler said, taking a sip of the tea and staring out the window on the other side of the room. He didn’t know when it had begun raining, but it had, and even though the sky was gray it was lovely.

“Are you feeling better?” Josh asked.

“Mhm.” Tyler said, setting down the cup on the desk by Josh’s bed and bringing his legs to his chest, hugging them. 

“Come here.” Josh mumbled, holding out an arm for Tyler to huddle in to. He gladly did so, throwing an arm over Josh’s stomach and leaning into his side.

They sat together for a few minutes in silence, listening to the pouring rain and the sound of each other’s breathing. 

Tyler glanced up at Josh’s face. His eyelashes were brushing against his skin delicately, lips parted to allow air in his lungs easier. His hair looked like it was more of a milky lavender color in the lighting. 

Tyler cupped Josh’s face with his hand, gently grazing his thumb over his cheekbone. 

“You’re pretty.”

Josh’s eyes widened and his head turned to face Tyler’s.

“Thank you, darling.” He whispered, a grin plastered onto his face.

“D-darling?” Tyler felt like he might have a heart attack hearing that word come out of Josh’s mouth.

“Hmm?”

“Why… uh…”

“ _ Oh _ , right, sorry, I just thought- I don’t know. I wasn’t thinking.”

“Oh.” Tyler said softly, bringing his hand down to twirl the curls at the base of Josh’s neck. “I liked it.”

“Really?” Josh mumbled.

“Really.”

“I adore you.” Josh choked out, his nose almost touching Tyler’s. 

Tyler’s breath was knocked out of him. He wanted to ask why, to ask if he was serious, to ask what he meant, but he couldn’t speak. 

“Tyler?” Josh’s eyes scanned Tyler’s, tearing him apart. When Tyler didn’t respond, Josh pressed his lips against Tyler’s, closing the space between them in one small movement.

Tyler thought he was going to die. He wasn’t scared, he wasn’t upset, but the white he saw behind his eyelids looked a lot like he was staring into the afterlife. 

Josh’s lips were so _soft_ and _gentle_ and he liked Tyler enough to _kiss_ him.

The contact was brief, and when Josh pulled away his eyes searched Tyler’s face for any signs of anger or fear. When he didn’t find any, he let out a breath of air that sounded almost like a laugh (but not quite). 

“Jo-osh.” Tyler said, not having enough oxygen in his lungs to say his name correctly. “You just-”

“Should I not have done that?” Josh interrupted.

“Joshua, it was  _ so good. _ ” 

The smile that emerged on Josh’s face was enough to melt Tyler’s heart, but when Josh pressed his lips to Tyler’s forehead he fell even further. 

“Friends don’t normally do this stuff, do they?” Tyler asked slowly.

“Not really.” Josh responded after a moment, pulling Tyler onto his lap and holding him tight.

“Is it bad that we’re doing it then?” Tyler buried his head in Josh’s chest, drowning in the scent of saltwater and roses.

“No, it’s not.”

“Oh, well that’s good.” Tyler said, voice muffled by Josh’s sweatshirt.

“Yeah.”

“Yeah.”

Josh lifted Tyler’s chin up so that their eyes met.

Their lips brushed together, hardly touching this time.

It wasn’t perfect. It was incredibly imperfect. Tyler didn’t know what to do, he didn’t have any experience with things like this. He was awkward and nervous but it was okay. Josh made it okay. Josh made everything okay. They clung onto each other for dear life. They’d found each other, whether it was by chance or fate Tyler didn’t know. All he knew was that it was everything he had ever wanted. The two boys had a strange connection that made the usual uncomfortable feeling of rushing into things too quickly almost nonexistent. The soothing droplets of rain falling from the darkened sky mixed with the sounds of Josh’s breathing and the rhythm of his heartbeat made a magnificent blend, sounding better than any song Tyler had heard before.

He was convinced this world was made for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love tyler robert joseph thanks for coming to my ted talk bye  
> next chapter will be up in a week or two my friends  
> thanks for reading


	4. Peace

 

It had been a month since Josh kissed Tyler. 

Tyler's mom had barely been home, something went wrong on one of the church's mission trips and she was called to help fix it.

Zack was busy practicing basketball. He’d found a team he wanted to play on and tryouts were in the fall.

When Tyler wasn't in VR by Josh's side, he was reading the Bible, the parts about angels. He was looking up soulmates online to try to figure out why Josh fit so perfectly in his arms.

He was happier than he had been in his entire life (which wasn't saying much, considering he'd never been truly happy before, but that didn't matter). He had a best friend. He had a soulmate. He had an angel. He had Josh.

“Ty?” Josh whispered, calling Tyler back into the present moment. 

“Yeah?” They were in the cabin, surrounded by a soothing yellow tinted darkness, the only light coming from a small unscented candle on Josh's desktop. He said he'd found it in a drawer when he first arrived here. 

“You're cute.” Josh giggled, nuzzling his face into Tyler's neck and resting his head there.

Tyler couldn't help but smile, a subtle yet persistent blush creeping onto his cheeks. “Thank you.”

Josh grunted in response, pulling the younger boy close with an arm around his waist.

“Tyler?”

“Hmm?”

Josh stretched his neck up to plant a sloppy kiss on Tyler's cheek. Tyler pressed his lips to the top of Josh's head in return, earning a soft hum from him. 

“Wanna be my boyfriend?”

Tyler froze, mind going blank, unsure of how to respond. “Seriously?” He was so nervous, so excited, so overjoyed.

Josh’s carefree expression turned to one of anxiety at Tyler's remark. “Yes?” It came out as more of a question than an answer.

“Josh, I'd love to, I-I’m just not sure, uhm, I've never had a boyfriend- or a girlfriend- before.”

“Me neither. I'd imagine that it's pretty much just the same thing we're doing now, but yknow, we’d be admitting that we like each other more than friends typically do. And there are some boyfriend activities we could add into our relationship.”

Tyler liked the thought of that. He liked it a lot. “Well then, yeah. Of course I’ll be your boyfriend, Josh.” 

Josh smiled so sweetly, his eyes and nose scrunching up and his tongue poking through his teeth. It was the most genuine smile Tyler had seen from anyone, not to mention the most breathtaking.

“Thanks, Ty. God, you make me so happy.” 

“You make me happy too, J.”

Josh laughed a little (it sounded almost pained, but Tyler did his best to ignore that), running his soft hands over Tyler's shoulders. 

“That's what I'm here for, sweetheart.”

Tyler grinned. He knew it was stupid to think Josh was an  _ actual _ angel, but it was beginning to seem a lot like that was the case.  

“What kinds of things do boyfriends do that friends don't?” Tyler asked, trying to make the question sound as innocent as possible and proceeding to fail miserably at doing so.

Josh's eyes lit up when he heard the inquiry, a desire visible in them that wasn't there before. 

“Well, there are lots of things.” Josh mumbled, soft candlelight accentuating his features. His gentle eyes, his sloped nose, his stretched ears, his jawline, and his pretty arms all glowed under the golden flame.

Tyler's breath caught in his throat when Josh leaned in to touch their lips together. Fireworks went off in his head like they always did, but this time they were brighter. Brighter because he was Josh's and Josh was his. 

The kiss only intensified, Josh’s tongue finding it’s way through Tyler's parted lips and enticing Tyler to join in a messy dance. 

It was sweet, it was passionate, it was addicting. 

They lost themselves in each other and that was a feeling Tyler never wanted to forget. 

Josh moved his body to pin Tyler against the bed they were laying on. Tyler felt like he should do more, he should help, but when he tried Josh's grip on his wrists tightened enough to tell him it was okay.

_ Relax.  _

Josh's lips were on his jaw, where the silky skin of his chin met his neck, nipping and sucking galaxies onto his flesh.

Tyler let out a shaking breath he didn't know he'd been holding in. He gripped Josh’s hips, encouraging him to continue down his .body.

 

Josh's hands moved under Tyler's navy blue shirt, lifting it up slightly, chilling Tyler with cold hands on his stomach. 

Tyler helped Josh pull his shirt over his head, watching in awe at how quickly Josh resumed his kisses. 

Josh took the opportunity to lower himself to Tyler's chest, allowing his fingers to splay out over it. When Tyler met his eyes all he saw was desire, a desire that was shared between them. Tyler understood, he wanted Josh just as much.

He choked up when Josh's hand slipped down to rest over his jeans. 

“That okay?” Josh whispered.

“Y-yes.” Tyler responded, heart beating out of his chest, eyes flitting back and forth, one moment resting upon Josh’s lust stricken face, the next observing the way his hands and body moved gracefully about.

Josh unconsciously bit his chapped bottom lip, chewing while watching Tyler’s face, pondering what to do next.

Josh looked Tyler up and down, lip still stuck between his teeth.

“Can I suck you off?” He mumbled, red lip popping out from his mouth, the words sounding drunk coming from his mouth. 

Tyler couldn't respond, his voice was too weak to manage such a thing in the current situation. Instead of speaking, he opted to nod enthusiastically, head spinning even more just imagining Josh's lips around him.

Josh grinned in that intoxicating manner of his, planting his lips in the center of Tyler's chest, over his heart, before kissing his way down Tyler's body, making a show of it. Tyler both loved and hated that. He was happy Josh was kissing him, but he simultaneously wished he’d hurry up as Tyler was getting quite impatient.

Just as Tyler unhinged his jaw to voice this, Josh’s mouth touched his v-line, sucking more marks onto Tyler.

An airy moan forced it's way out of Tyler's lips, soon echoed from Josh's when the older boy carefully unzipped his pants. 

Tyler helped Josh pull them down enough to wear he could touch him, kiss him, worship him.

And Josh did. When he finally took Tyler into his mouth he did it incredibly well, knowing perfectly when and how to move.

Curses slipped from Tyler's lips each time Josh shifted. Tyler found his hands tangled in Josh's soft hair, pulling him down further, marvelling at how lovely his now boyfriend was.

When he finished, he finished with Josh’s name on his tongue, spilling from his lips like water from a tap. 

“Good?” Josh asked, wiping away some spit from the corner of his mouth, smiling up at Tyler like he was Josh’s entire world.

“Good.” Tyler sighed, leaning his head back against the bed. He listened to Josh's breathing while steadying his own. “What about you?”

“You seem pretty tired, I’ll take care of myself when you have to go.” 

Tyler looked at Josh, who had moved to Tyler's eye level again, his eyebrows raised. 

“Don't worry, you can pay me back later.” Josh said with a wink.

Tyler's heart fluttered and he leaned in to kiss Josh’s neck open mouthed. “I will.” 

Tyler awoke in the real world with a saddening absence of bruises and his pants soaked.

He cleaned himself off and changed into dry clothes. He got as much sleep as he could, resting from 5:00am to 8:00am.

He dreamt of Josh's lips.

.

Two days later, Tyler was lying in a space where sunlight was able to sneaksneak it’s way through the trees. His eyes were closed and his lips were upturned in a lazy smile. His bare arms and back nestled into the deep green grass where he was resting (it was too hot for a shirt, the heat of this always-summer place was blazing). 

Tyler lifted up his neck slightly, eyes squinted to the point that they were basically shut. Whatever visibility he had that wasn't impaired by the sun’s rays searched for Josh, finding him crouched down about 5 feet to the right of Tyler.

“Whatcha doin, baby?” 

“Picking dandelions.” Josh called back, turning his head to flash a grin at Tyler before continuing with his endeavour.

“Okay.” Tyler shrugged, his mind foggy from the warmth and the happiness he felt in that moment. 

Tyler wasn't sure how much time had passed, surely no longer than 5 minutes, when he felt Josh's fingers tangle in his hair. 

Tyler brought his hand over his eyes to shade them so he could look at Josh. The blue haired boy was lying on his side next to Tyler, smiling at him with his hazel eyes. His fingers left Tyler's scalp and he realized Josh was decorating his head with dandelions, bringing the bright yellow plants up to Tyler's fluffy hair and allowing them to rest in it.

Tyler ran his eyes over Josh’s body. He was wearing a loose white muscle shirt and tight black jeans. His pale skin was illuminated under the harsh midday light, ribcage poking through his oversized shirt.

When Josh was done, he leaned back on his elbow a bit to admire what he’d done. 

“You look beautiful, darling.” 

“Thanks, you do too.” Tyler giggled, grabbing Josh's shirt and pulling his body into his own. Their lips crashed together, but didn't stay connected for long. Josh situated himself so he was straddling Tyler, hands splayed across his exposed chest.

Tyler threaded his fingers in Josh's curls, gently tugging, encouraging him to move his head down to touch his lips to Tyler's neck.

Josh gladly obliged, planting soft, open mouthed kisses to Tyler's collarbone. 

Tyler pulled Josh back up to his mouth, and Josh buried his nose into the crook of Tyler's, lips brushing just above his stubble.

“Wow.” Josh said breathlessly, grinning down at Tyler through dark eyelashes. They kissed with smile-tight lips, teeth and tongues clashing together.

“Wow.” Tyler echoed soon after they’d parted. Josh fell over to scoop Tyler into his arms, allowing plenty of room for him to cuddle against Josh.

“Why’s everything so great here?” Tyler asked after a few minutes of mindlessly circling his fingers over Josh's chest. 

Josh glanced down at Tyler before locking their hands together and answering. “It's what this room is made for.”

“Huh.” Tyler mumbled, melting closer to Josh.

“Huh.” Josh responded.

They stayed there until the now setting sun had burnt their noses. Josh managed to carry Tyler the short distance back to the cabin and they held each other, talking and laughing until Tyler decided he should go home and get some sleep.

He left with a kiss pressed on Josh's sunburnt cheek and a gentle “I'll see you tomorrow” whispered in his ear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> only 2 more chapters of fluff and then the angst kicks in  
> this'll be a 10 chapter thing my friends  
> hold on  
> stay with me


	5. Thriving

"I've f elt trapped my whole life, yknow?” Tyler spoke, balancing himself on a large warm toned gray rock he’d found deep in the woods.

“Yeah?” Josh responded, eyes locked on Tyler, reflecting the blue green and terracotta brown of the forest.

It was cool in the shadows, far below the tops of the trees (although it was still warmer than an average summer day in Ohio). 

“Yeah.” Tyler responded, holding out his arms to prevent himself from falling. “It's so boring. It's the same thing each day, over and over again. Nothing new, nothing exciting. Nothing to do.” Tyler paused. “But you probably know that, don't you? That's why you’re here so much.”

Josh smiled tightly, looking a bit off. “Yep. I mean, I'm here so much because I don't really have anywhere else to go. But I get it, the world’s being destroyed.”

“You don't have anywhere else to go?’

“Right.” Josh chuckled, giving Tyler a confused glance. “I’m stuck here.”

Tyler stopped moving for a moment to think about what that could mean.  _ Probably something metaphorical. Yeah, of course, don't take it too seriously.  _ Tyler thought to himself.

“Why’d you dye your hair?” He asked after a few minutes.

Josh paused, turning his gaze towards the sky. “I… wanted a change.”

Tyler nodded. He knew what that felt like. “What made you choose blue?” 

Josh's eyes shifted back to Tyler and he grinned. “It’s my favorite color.” 

Tyler smiled back, heart warming a little looking down at his boy. “Mine too.”

Tyler hopped off the rock, landing clumsily beside Josh on the mulchy ground.

“Wanna go to the beach?” Josh asked with a playful glint in his eyes that Tyler hadn't seen before.

“Sure.” 

A minute or two after they began the short walk to the ocean, Tyler heard faint rustling in the bushes behind him. He ignored it at first, telling himself it was the breeze hitting the leaves. It was when he heard it a second time he froze and tapped Josh's elbow to get his attention. 

“What?” Josh asked, stopping in his tracks to see what Tyler wanted.

“I think something's following us.” 

Josh turned around, following Tyler's gaze and landing his own upon a decent sized shrub nearby.

Tyler's breath leapt from his chest into the air when a creature darted out of the plant and ran full speed to Josh’s feet.

Tyler paused when he saw the animal sit in front of Josh, it’s tongue lolling out the side of it’s mouth and it's innocent face excitedly peering at the boys.

Josh immediately knelt down to be on the same level as the golden puppy, joy spread across his face in the form of a huge smile.

“Ty, this is Jim. He comes to visit sometimes.” Josh said in between cooing praises like 'good boy' to Jim.

“Is that a dog?” Tyler mused, breath not having returned to him. 

“Yeah, silly. C’mere, he won't bite.” Josh took Tyler's hand and guided it over Jim’s curly fur.

Tyler stroked the good boy in awe. “I've only seen a dog once before, when my mom took Zack and I to the zoo before it closed down.” She had said it would be good to see the beautiful things God can create.

Josh tugged Tyler to the ground next to him and Jim took that as an invitation to jump on Tyler's lap and excitedly lick his face, wagging his little tail. 

Of course Tyler started to cry.

“Woah, are you okay?” 

“It’s just- he’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen and I-” Tyler stopped talking when Jim licked a stripe over his cheek. At that point Tyler didn't know if he was laughing or crying. The old world- the one where these animals were everywhere- must have been amazing. Why did people have to go and fuck it up so badly?

“I'm okay, Josh.” Tyler mumbled in response to Josh shaking his shoulder lightly. “I'm so okay.” He held the good boy in his arms, gently swaying back and forth, and Josh kept his hand on Tyler's shoulder.

After a while, Jim began to get antsy and squirmed his way out of Tyler’s lap, shaking clean of the dirt and clumps he’d picked up during the encounter.

Tyler met Josh's eyes and smiled at him, turning to look at Jim once more before the dog ran off into the woods again, probably chasing a chipmunk or squirrel.

Josh took Tyler's hand in his own, drawing the younger boy’s attention back to him. They continued on their way to the beach.

When they'd made it, their feet buried in the hot, white sand, Tyler tore off his sweat spotted shirt and threw it onto the earth. He relished in the damp breeze and in any cool water droplets it brought to his skin.

Josh followed closely behind Tyler into the crisp blue ocean, wading at first, then heading into deeper water.

Tyler looked down as best he could, his arms and legs struggling to keep his head above the water at such an awkward angle. He gazed into the murky water. He wished it was clearer. He didn't like not knowing what was under his feet.

His head flew up when he heard Josh call his name from closer to shore. 

“There's a wave coming, might want to hold your breath.” 

Tyler turned to look at the water slowly gathering in the distance, rushing towards him like a stampede of cattle, slowly increasing it’s speed until it was on top of him. It pushed him under, rocked him back and forth, spiraled him around until he hit the sand. He did his best to wipe the salt out of his eyes before opening them, seeing Josh above him with a concerned look on his face.

Tyler laughed. 

Josh laughed too.

“Come closer.” Tyler mumbled, pulling Josh by the wrist until they were kneeling in the shallow water together. Tyler leaned in, fingers finding their way into Josh's knotty hair. “I wanna pay you back.” He whispered into his ear.

Tyler could hear Josh's breath cut off when he understood what he was hinting at and Tyler smirked. 

“Please do.” Josh's tone was desperate, but his voice was so soft that it hardly came across.

Tyler found himself leaning towards Josh. He couldn't decide if he was doing it willingly or not. He’d read somewhere that the gravitational pull of someone close to you was almost impossible to ignore.

“Josh-” He breathed out onto Josh's lips.

They were close enough to the shore that it wasn't a problem when Tyler pushed Josh into the ground, the water, rippling with their movement, rising about an inch below his ear. 

Their lips were salty and bitten raw by the time Tyler's fingers unbuttoned Josh's pants and wrapped around him carefully. He worked to make Josh feel good with his nose pressed against the crook of Josh's neck, nipping at the skin he could reach. When Josh was satisfied, Tyler fell over into the sand beside him. Josh took his time in making Tyler feel as good as he did. Afterwards, their eyes were clouded blissfully as the two of them joked about the birds flying overhead. 

Tyler gave Josh a damp peck on the lips before leaving to clean himself off and eat dinner with his brother.

He entered back to the world slowly, he changed and threw his clothes into his laundry basket as soon as he could though. He hated the sticky feeling of his clothes covered in sweat.

He walked out of his room to see Zack sitting with their mom (he hadn't expected her to be home) at the table. It looked like the two of them had already eaten, but there was a third plate set out with food still slathered on top of it. 

“Tyler!” His mom exclaimed. “I haven't seen you in days, come here and give me a hug.”

Tyler smiled, bashfully walking to his mom's side and hugging her. 

He sat down at the empty seat and took a few small bites of his mashed potatoes, feeling a little uncomfortable because his mom was staring at him.

“Do I have something in my hair?” Tyler asked her half rhetorically, half serious.

“How much have you been sleeping recently?”

Tyler froze up, trying to formulate a reasonable reply. “Uh- enough? I think?”

“Doesn't look like it. Your eyes are getting bags under them again. I don't want you to get bad agai-”

Tyler quickly held up his hand and she stopped talking mid-sentence. It was their rule not to mention that. It brought up too many memories, too many feelings, too much he didn't want to relive. 

“Sorry. Forgot.” His mom muttered, coughing awkwardly and fidgeting with a delicate bracelet on her wrist.

“It's fine.” Tyler whispered. “I’ll be fine, I've just been-” A pause. “Reading more. Trying to understand nature and history, that kind of stuff.”

“Mm.” His mom nodded. “That sounds like fun.” 

“Yeah.”

Tyler finished eating, listening to Zack talk about basketball for a while, then his mom talking about work.

Tyler had his fork in the air, almost ready to take a bite of his steak, when he heard his mom say something about someone she worked with. Someone who's name happened to be Josh. He smiled widely at the reminder of his blue haired boyfriend.

“Whatcha smiling at, Tyler?” Zack asked, pointing out the embarrassing lovestruck state he was in.

“I d-dunno.” Tyler said, face flushed and smile faded. He shoved the piece of steak in his mouth so he wouldn't say anything stupid for a little.

“Kay then.” Zack mumbled under his breath, returning his attention to their mother so she could finish her story.

Apparently the Josh at his mom's work had accidentally ordered the wrong kind of paper and pissed some people off. It was a mundane story, but Tyler couldn't help smiling more. His Josh was all he could think about. His Josh made him feel good.

“Stop smiling like that, dude, you’re kind of freaking me out.”

Tyler smugly flipped Zack off under the table, luckily avoiding the gaze of their mom. 

Zack rolled his eyes, but couldn't stop a small giggle from escaping his lips. They hadn't joked around in a while. They hadn't spoken much over the last couple weeks. They had both discovered things they enjoyed doing. For Zack it was a sport, for Tyler it was a boy he met in an alternate reality. 

Tyler snorted at that thought, shaking his head to clear it.

He spent a few more minutes talking to his family before all three of them went to bed.

Tyler played his unnamed song for a couple minutes, slightly disappointed that he still hadn't thought of good lyrics for it. 

_ I will one day. _ He told himself, sinking onto his mattress under his warm blankets, allowing his body to be swallowed by the bed. He dozed off, mind foggy with drowsiness and eyes heavy from the wonders of the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jim is a good boy  
> One more happy chapter and and then stuff changes  
> Good luck  
> Stay with me


	6. Thinking

Tyler's hands were shaking. He was nervous.

_It'll be okay._

Josh had asked to hear Tyler sing one of his songs. Tyler hadn't showed anyone his music before, but he wasn't about to tell Josh no when he’d been willing to drum for Tyler.

Josh had to show Tyler how to add a keyboard to their VR world, but once he had it was up to Tyler to play it.

His fingers ghosted over the keys, anxiety sending energy to his fingers, making them itch to play the instrument.

He decided to play a song he’d written a couple years ago. It brought back terrible memories, memories of pain in his chest and smoke in his head. In the worst of his depression, he wrote this song and titled it Anathema.

He pretended not to notice Josh tapping his fingers against his knees during the song, drumming along in his own way. Tyler accidentally pressed the wrong keys and sang in the wrong pitch a couple of times, but when he turned around Josh was smiling like an idiot at him, arms open wide.

Tyler walked over and hugged him tightly.

“I loved it.” Josh whispered. “You're so great.”

“Thank you.” Tyler mumbled, cupping both of Josh's cheeks in his hands and bringing their lips together briefly, but Josh pulled him back when they broke contact.

They stopped kissing and Tyler sat down next to Josh, resting his head on his shoulder. Tyler loved this. He loved sitting with Josh, he loved talking with Josh, he loved kissing Josh, he loved holding Josh. He loved Josh.

He sucked in a breath. He hadn't admitted that to himself before. He and Josh had known each other for 3 months. Tyler wasn't sure if it was okay to feel so strongly about Josh yet. He knew if he did and Josh felt the same something would have to change. His mom had commented twice more about how tired he was looking, he was having a hard time keeping his eyes open. He felt hollow when he was in reality because Josh was only around in virtual reality. However hard it was to admit, seeing Josh every day like this was getting difficult. Not that he wouldn't do anything to be with Josh, of course.

He sighed, gazing up at Josh with wide eyes, taking in the beauty of him once more. Josh was smiling down at him, that same breathtaking smile Tyler couldn't get out of his head. Soft as feathers and sweet as honey. His milk chocolate eyes melted into Josh's caramel ones as they stared at each other, the only noises coming from the crickets chirping outside the walls of the cabin.

Tyler's hands found their way to Josh's waist and he sat on Josh's lap, burying his nose into the crook of Josh's neck and inhaling deeply. He noticed the way the air smelled, of a cool summer night, of seasalt and sweat. He felt Josh's wrinkled linen shirt under his fingertips, felt the warmth of Josh's skin beneath it. His eyelashes fluttered against Josh's neck as he allowed the soft glow of the sunlight through the curtain to flood his vision. He tasted the sea and Josh's lips on his tongue. He smiled.

Later that day, after he had left Josh to shower and get some sleep, he leaned against his bathroom wall. Even though the room was warm from the running water he was about to step into, he felt freezing cold. The steam had begun to rise above his knees, but he didn't notice. He was a zombie, his brain was corrupt with a sickness he didn't want to heal from. He felt lost without Josh, which was an odd thing for him. He’d never felt this way before. He was glad he hadn't, he only wanted to be sick for Josh. No one else.

When he stepped into the hot shower, he still felt cold. He only felt warm around Josh, only felt safe around Josh. Josh had made him sick, but he’d cured him as well. When he was in Josh's arms he was safe from the horrible thoughts, from the questions he couldn't answer. Nothing mattered more than Josh. Not even the thoughts that had been haunting him for years.

When Zack greeted him in the living room, Tyler responded even though he didn't fully understand what Zack had said. His mind was elsewhere, quite literally in another world. He sat on the couch next to Zack and watched decade old basketball games play on the TV.

Tyler thought for a while. He spent a week going over all the options, all the ways to tell Josh how he was feeling. He always assumed they’d be together in this world, the real one, eventually. Why did eventually have to wait? Tyler was in love with Josh, every inch of his body screamed that. They were meant for each other. They should be together in every life they live.

At the end of the week, after visiting Josh a little less to get an understanding of how much he needed Josh, he decided to share what he was thinking.

He hoped Josh would feel the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is shorter than I would have liked but the next chapter will be a long one, get ready, it will be out in a few days  
> I've been receiving more comments than usual lately and I can't thank everyone who's given me feedback enough, thanks for encouraging me friends :) I'll try to make this worth your time


	7. Realization

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Adding notes at the beginning to say  
> Tw: self harm  
> I didn't go into graphic detail but I did feel panicked while writing it and I don't want to upset anyone  
> Sorry for the slight spoiler but stay safe

The next time Tyler saw Josh, he knew he had to say something. He had to share what he was thinking, he had to tell him. He had to know if Josh was feeling the same way.

They were on the porch of the cabin, sun setting on the horizon, washing the sky a soft peach. The color complimented Josh's skin and almost-blonde hair wonderfully.

“Josh?” Tyler spoke, unsure of how to continue but sure that he would.

“Yes?”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah, what is it?”

“Uh… okay, would it be fine if- say- I was in love with you?”

He didn’t know if he’d said it too soon, if it was special enough, if Josh was happy about it, but he noticed Josh’s shoulders jerk back a little, allowing air to flow more quickly to his lungs.

“Tyler… y-you’re in love with me?”

Tyler looked up to see Josh's dilated pupils staring back at him, drowning his soft hazel irises in black. His lips were slightly parted, just enough to notice. His gentle voice was barely more than a whisper.

“Yes. I love you.” Tyler whispered back.

“I-I love you too.”

Instantly Tyler felt a wave of emotions wash over him. Relief, joy, uncertainty, excitement. He was so overwhelmed his lungs closed themselves up, refusing to open until he kissed Josh again, stealing some of his oxygen and shocking his body back to life.

It was almost perfect. _Almost_. There was only one thing Tyler wanted to change.

“Josh, I want to meet you.”

There was an awkward silence, then Josh started giggling and Tyler's body froze. That definitely wasn't the response he’d expected.

“What's funny about that?”

“We _have_ met.” Josh pulled away in order to get a better look at Tyler's face, scanning it for something.

“You know what I mean. I want to _really_ meet you. See you in person.”

Josh looked like he was just punched in the gut. His pale face was somehow even paler, his dark eyebrows were furrowed with distress, his mouth was hanging open.

“Please tell me you're joking.”

“No, why would I be joking?” Tyler's chest was so tight he was surprised he was still functioning. His head hurt so much thinking about all the reasons Josh wouldn't want to see him in person.

“Oh, God.” After a few moments of Tyler’s face continuing to stay in the same confused, hurt expression, Josh’s bottom lip began quivering and he gripped onto Tyler's arm. “Oh, _God_ , Tyler. You read about this room before coming here, right?”

Tyler’s mind was racing so much he couldn't breathe. “N-no, why?”

Josh tore his eyes from Tyler's and mumbled the word “fuck” over and over again. It sounded so wrong coming from his mouth. This was all wrong.

“...What's going on, Josh?”

“You didn't read about the room. You don't know- oh, Tyler. I love you. Remember that, okay? _I love you_.”

“Josh-”

“I'm a part of the virtual reality. I'm built into this world.”

Tyler's mind went blank, all the voices stopped yelling. “What?” His voice cracked, eyes hardly able to focus on Josh.

“This room is a fantasy, it was supposed to give you the perfect life. I was made for you. I don't exist outside of here.”

Tyler sat with his eyes wide open, sparkling from the tears forming in them, and his lips tightened into a frown. He didn't think he'd ever been more confused, more devastated. “No. No, this can't be happening. You can't be serious.” His voice was shaking badly. He sounded pathetic. Stupid. _God,_ he was _so stupid_.

“Ty-”

“You're not being serious.” Tyler didn't know if he was laughing or crying. He knew he sounded crazy- he felt crazy- but what was he supposed to do?

Josh reached out to touch Tyler's shoulder but Tyler grabbed him by his wrist before he could.

“Tell me this isn't happening.” He pleaded, wishing he didn't sound so desperate. When Josh just sighed shakily in response, Tyler quickly pushed his arm away, blinking tears from his stinging eyes before they could fall down his face.

“I'm so sorry, I thought you knew. I love you so much, Tyler. So much.” Josh looked almost as upset as Tyler was.

“Y- no, y- I can't-” Tyler felt lightheaded. He couldn't comprehend what Josh was telling him. Nothing made sense.

“Darling, listen to me. I-”

“No. No, Josh. You- this-” Tyler squeezed his eyes shut so tightly that the black behind his eyelids seemed like more of a navy blue. His heart was beating so fast- too fast. He mumbled clumsily over and over again “get me out, get me out”, tears starting to fall down his cheeks, making his face itch, making him want to tear at his skin until it was raw.

He opened his eyes to find himself back in his room, surrounded by his blue walls.

The color he’d found so comforting his whole life seemed to be suffocating him now. Blue- the color of the sky, the ocean, Josh's hair, the undertones in his skin, the backs of Tyler's eyes.

He was drowning.

He took the phone from his white marble desk, shakily unlocking it and searching for the room. _Ameliorate_. He wouldn't believe Josh until he saw it for himself.

He clicked on the first link that showed up. It was a Wikipedia page titled _VR system vol. 3, room 6: Ameliorate._

Tyler scanned over the paragraphs, quickly finding the header he was looking for. _Basic Information._

The text read:

_The room ‘Ameliorate’ was designed by a man named James West. His intent was to create a unique and peaceful world, personalized upon entry, for the people of our modern day society. “Things can get hard.” Said James in a 2059 interview. “I want to help people find peace. I think I succeeded in my mission to do so with Ameliorate.”_

_When you're scanned with the machine before entry into the VR 3 system, you give basic information to the game such as your appearance, voice, and mood. When you attach yourself to the wires, however, that's when you give the game complex information. This includes things like the way you move, your fantasies, your brain waves, and even things as intricate as your thought processes, memories, and insecurities. It really is a powerful piece of technology._

_James explained in a later interview exactly what ‘Ameliorate’ will give you if you choose to enter it and what makes his addition to the system different to the others._

_“Ameliorate will give to you what you most long for. It is by far the most personalized room of the bunch. Even the door leading to the room is a bit different for everyone. Having said that, your first reaction is probably 'well, wouldn't everyone choose that over the other rooms then?’. You’d be surprised. Many want to interact with other people, which isn't something that happens in this room. We design other people who we think will make the user the most content upon entry. They're AI, made to learn and grow with the user. They're programmed with memories intact, memories that sadly are not real, but memories still. This was added to give the user and the AI something to discuss. Not to mention that having memories is an essential aspect of humanity, and the AI would not seem human without them. We want to make them as human as possible. We did quite well with that. The second thing you might be wondering is if these beings are controlled by us. The answer is no. We program them, but nothing more. They start to learn new things from the moment they’re placed into the world. They grow and respond on their own, they become their own being. All we do is create them. That being said, they aren't human, they’re simply complicated AI. Due to that fact, people don't choose to create a life in Ameliorate as often as we'd like them to. People want chaos, they want to be heroes. They want to save other humans. That's what the different rooms are for.”_

Tyler shut his phone off. He couldn't bring himself to read anymore. His head was spinning. He felt sick. He was terrified, confused, disgusted, angry, and sad all at once. It hurt. It hurt _so much._

_Josh isn't human. He doesn't even exist._

Tyler choked out a sob, distress clawing at the back of his head, his throat, his chest. He needed air, but however much he got wasn't enough. He opened his desk’s drawer, staring at the objects inside, breaths coming in ragged gasps.

It was all he knew to do. The only thing left. He thought he had Josh, he thought he didn't need these anymore. He was wrong. This was all he could rely on. He had been doing so good, he’d been clean for over a year. He didn't care anymore. He didn't care if he lived or died, he didn't care about anything other than Josh and if Josh wasn't real he had nothing. No reason to be alive. VR was his last hope. It was the thing he’d been counting on for the last few years and he wished he'd never built up the courage to try it. Tyler's mom was right to tell him not to do it. She was right and Tyler was an idiot.

His stiff fingers reached into the drawer and grabbed the little razor inside before he could convince himself otherwise.

His thoughts were racing and his chest was so tight he wouldn't be surprised if it collapsed in on itself.

He wanted it to stop.

He didn't want to think.

He didn't want to feel.

He ran the razor along his wrist, once twice… three times. Over and over.

Too deep.

_Fuck fuck fuck._

He fell onto the floor.

The next thing he knew his mom's arms were wrapped around him and she and Zack were carrying him to the car.

He could faintly hear a panicked conversation, sobs.

He drifted in and out of consciousness as he was placed in the backseat, driven off to the hospital, waking thoughts drifting elsewhere.

He could barely remember his mom glancing back at him when his thoughts became senseless mutterings of “I need him”, “I love him”. The last thing he remembered before drifting away completely was whispering in his hoarse voice “I can feel your breath, I can feel my death”. The perfect lyrics for the song he'd never been able to fit lyrics to. The words seemed to echo off the frame of the car, however quietly they were uttered. As his mother and a few people he didn't recognize rushed him into the hospital, he imagined that the echo was a room full of people singing along, repeating those words with him. That's when he stopped trying to hold on. He let himself drift off, let his vision dark.

He was stranded on an island in his brain, lions circling him and nightmarish creatures from scripture hissing and growling at him. They told him to fall, to hand his worthless life over to them.

He was standing on top of his apartment building, looking down at the cement.

Gray. The sky was gray, the cement was gray, the building was gray, his mind was gray.

He fell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3 more chapters  
> They'll each be longer so I can fit everything in 
> 
> Two chapters in two days, glad I could update quicker this time
> 
> Tyler should've done his research :/
> 
> Thanks for reading


	8. The Hospital

Tyler awoke to snake like wires tangled on his arm and a porcelain white ceiling staring down at him. His eyes gazed around the bright room, catching on a large window to his right.

It was snowing out. There were little flakes of white fluff coating the parking lot, covering the dying grass like a blanket.

When had winter arrived? Last Tyler remembered it was the beginning of autumn. 

His head whipped around when he heard the door to his room open. 

“You're awake.” His mom stated, face oddly calm. She had a steaming cup of coffee secured in one hand and a napkin in the other.

“I guess.” Tyler's voice was raw and scratchy, it hurt to talk.

His mom walked over to a chair on the other side of the room. She grabbed the frame and pulled it with her to sit close to Tyler.

They sat in awkward silence for a while. 

“Who’s Josh?”

An alarm went off in Tyler's head, telling him to shut down, stop talking. His mom seemed to notice.

“Don't you do this to me again, Tyler Joseph. I need you to answer.”

“I… I don't know. I don know who he is mom.” Tyler mumbled, a sob jumping out of his throat. He covered his mouth with his hand. Every time he blinked he saw the same image. The same color. The same boy. “ _ Momma. _ ” He cried out, not knowing what else to do. She quickly reached over, holding him while he cried. 

Once he'd calmed down and the blue faded back to gray, his mom asked him a different question.

“How long have you been using Virtual Reality for?”

“How did you find out?” He sounded so defeated. 

“You didn't take care of it before- uh…”

“This?”

“Yeah.”

“Right.”

“How long?”

Tyler inhaled once, long and slow, hoping that his voice wouldn't waver. “A little over three months.”

“Why did you disobey me?”

“You know why.”

His mom paused, head tilted, eyes searching his for something. 

“Mom, this world isn't for me. It never was. I needed that.”

“It doesn't look like it helped much.”

Tyler took a moment before he responded reluctantly. “I shouldn't h-have done it. I'm so d-dumb. I fucking fell in love with him. Him of all people.”

“Josh?”

Tyler could only nod.

“What did he do?”

“He lied t-to me. He’s not real. I thought he was another person but he was just a lie.” 

His mom was clearly confused, but she didn't want to dig too deep.

“I should've been there for you and Zack more.” 

“W-what?”

“If I'd been around the house the first time you started feeling sad I might've been able to stop this.”

“Nothing would’ve stopped this.” 

“Maybe I could’ve delayed it. I don't know, Tyler. I just wish I knew what to do.”

“So do I.”

His mom sighed, pulling him closer and stroking his hair until he was able to drift off into much needed sleep.

He dreamt of 3 years ago. 

It was dark and windy, snowflakes speckled his bare arms and melted down them, a reminder of the tears he shed so often.

He was shivering violently. He had been standing in the 10° weather for maybe an hour at that point. He had lost track of the time.

The hopelessness he’d been feeling the last few years had slowly crept into his head, eating away at his brain until it malfunctioned. The scars on his wrists were obvious, yet another reminder of everything that had gone wrong. Life was pointless. 

He didn't tell his feet to move yet they did anyway, robotically carrying him to the edge of the roof he was standing on. He looked down. The sight made him choke on his own spit. He was so high up.

He gripped the railing with his shaking hands, thankful for the heavy snow that would hide him from anyone walking along the street at this hour. 

His fingers tightened around the rail until his knuckles lost their color. 

He heard his own voice in his head coaxing him to let go. 

He couldn't tell if it was snow melting on his cheeks or tears falling from his eyes. He couldn't breathe, his chest was strangling him alive. 

_ Let go. What are you waiting for? Nothing's going to change. Nothing. _

His fingers slid off the bar he was sitting on and he waited for his weight to shift forward and push him down.

It didn't happen. Instead, little arms wrapped around his torso and pulled him back to the roof, back to safety. 

He turned to see Zack next to him, holding onto him. His big, brown eyes were filled with tears and he looked completely horrified. 

“T-tyler.” He cried, shaking worse than Tyler was. 

Tyler sat with his arms wrapped around his little brother, mind crowded with thoughts buzzing like hundreds of bees, trying to hold himself together. 

He wished Zack wouldn’t have found him that night. He wished he wouldn't have convinced him to stay a little longer. It wasn't worth it.

He hadn't known pain until he had everything he’d ever wanted and it was taken from him. Why would he want to live now?

He leapt awake when there was a knock on the hospital door and Zack entered the room, fear on his face.

“H-hi.” Zack squeaked out.

“Hey.” Tyler responded weakly.

His mom must have left at some point, probably to make a call (or two or three), because he was alone with Zack.

His brother walked up to him, slowly reaching down to hold his cold hand. 

What was left of Tyler's heart shattered when Zack started to break down, crying and trying to say something. Every time he opened his mouth he let out a string of letters that couldn't be deciphered. 

“Why would you do this to me? You promised you wouldn't. You  _ promised _ .”

“I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Something happened. I-I didn't mean t-to do it, Zack.”

That night on the roof Zack had begged Tyler not to leave him. Tyler promised he wouldn't. Tyler shouldn't have made a promise he couldn't keep.

“Living like this isn't easy for any of us, yknow? How could you be so selfish that you'd think to take away my only friend? What's wrong with you?” Zack shook Tyler's arm until his wandering eyes focused on Zack again.

“Zack…”

“Come on, give me a reason.”

“I can't.” Tyler's eyes were glazed over and he couldn't bear to look at his younger brother.

“Fuck you.  _ Fuck you _ .” 

“... There's nothing I can say.”

Zack snorted. “You’d take your life away from me for nothing, huh.”

“I lost someone, okay? Blame him.”

Zack paused to think before he sat down in the chair their mom had been sitting in earlier and crossed his arms. “Tell me about him.”

So Tyler did. He told Zack everything, from the moment he bought the VR set to the moment he picked up the razor and touched it to his skin.

Zack sat next to him for a while, expression unreadable.

“Doesn't sound like you lost anybody.” Zack finally spoke. “He’d still be there if you went back.” 

Tyler didn't know what to say. “But he’s not  _ actually  _ there.”

“Right. That's not his fault though. You know that, right?”

“Yeah… but he didn't tell me.”

“What was there to tell you? He thought you knew.”

“I… yeah. I guess.”

“Maybe you should talk to him?”

“How do I do that? The VR set's back at home. If mom hasn't thrown it out yet.”

“I could go get it for you. Mom didn't have time to throw it away, she got another call. She won't be gone for long, just a few hours.”

Tyler breathed out, nerves crawling back into his body thinking about confronting Josh.

_ Josh. _

“Okay. Yeah. I want to talk to him.”

Zack’s lips turned up a little bit. “I'll go get your set. I'll be back in like 5 minutes, stay here.”

Tyler chuckled, running his fingers through his hair mindlessly. “That shouldn't be a problem.”

…

Zack returned soon with Tyler's backpack in his arms. 

“I  _ think  _ I got everything.” He mumbled, taking the wires and remote out of the bag and setting them on Tyler's lap. “I talked to mom and she said she'd be back to check on you in 30 minutes, so try to make it quick.”

“Thanks, Zack.” Tyler whispered, untangling the wires and hooking them up. “I’ll just tell him sorry and… and that I want to talk as soon as I can, right? That would work?”

“Yeah, I'm sure he’ll understand.”

“Yeah. I'll be back.” Tyler said, closing his eyes and pressing the button.

He hurried to his door, that old wooden door with a moon carved into it. The same door he always looked for when he came here. Something was different, though he hardly noticed. There was so much fog surrounding him, a lot more than there usually was. 

He opened the door, stepping inside, and finding himself in the place he’d started to call his home. 

“Josh!” He called out, scanning the fields for a glimpse of his boy. When he couldn't see him, he made his way to the beach, calling Josh's name the whole time. His heart started to fall when there was no sign of him. 

_ The cabin _ . Of course. He ran as fast as he could to the little house in the woods, practically tearing the door from it’s hinges with how quickly he pushed it open.

“Joshua!” No answer. Nothing. No birds were singing, no frogs were croaking. 

This was all wrong. 

Josh had always been here waiting for him.

_ What if he gave up on me? What if he’s hiding from me? What if the people who made him decided they didn't want him anymore? _

“Josh?” Tyler called. “Josh, I love you. I'm so sorry.” Nothing. “Come back, baby. Please. Come here. I need you. I need you, Josh.” Still no response. No sign of life. 

This is not what he'd planned. He looked out his window and saw clouds of smoke on the horizon, angry orange flames destroying his safe haven. He started crying. 

“ _ Josh,  _ I  _ need _ you. I love you so, so much.” He spoke louder, continued yelling Josh's name until he was screaming at the top of his lungs, until his throat burned from smoke and tears. Until he fell over onto the floor, holding onto the edge of Josh's bedsheet in a desperate attempt to save the only thing left of Josh's. 

It didn't work.

He woke up to hands tearing away at his wires, his mom shouting at Zack, who was crying again, asking if he brought the VR set here. Tyler sobbed until the edges of his vision turned white and all he saw were blurred faces and colorless walls. The nurses injected him with something and he fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Zack  
> Poor Josh  
> Poor ty  
> It's okay stuff will happen  
> Only two more chapters  
> Wow  
> It's been such a fun journey and I won't stop writing  
> We'll see where this takes us  
> Stay with me, stay alive, it's been rough recently  
> The hiatus is almost a year old and I think they'll be back soon  
> I'll see you guys with chapter 9 in a few days


	9. Distance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some music suggestions for this chapter(?)  
> Gravity by EDEN  
> Blue by Troye Sivan  
> I didn't know by SayWeCanFly
> 
> Sorry this is a bit rushed

Tyler woke up in his own bed, with his mom sitting beside him, running her hands over her forehead anxiously.

“I got rid of your VR set.” She mumbled in a raspy voice when she noticed Tyler had opened his eyes.

“What?” He responded, barely conscious.

“I threw it out. You will not use one again, understand me?”

“When did I get here?”

“Understand me?”

“Yes.” He didn't want to touch another VR set ever again. He didn't even want to hear that word.

“Good. We brought you home last night. I'm taking some time off of work to make sure you don't do anything dangerous. Zack will be here to watch you when I can't.”

Tyler opened his mouth to argue, but closed it upon realizing it was pointless.

His mom was called out into their kitchen by Zack, and she reluctantly went out to see what he wanted.

Tyler sighed and rolled over onto his side, wrapping his arms around his weak legs. His body was a heater. His torso projected warmth onto his bare arms so he didn't need to shiver so much. He squeezed his tired eyes shut at the memory of Josh's body and the heat that radiated off him. He was too tired to fight it for long, though, and within minutes Josh clawed his way into the front of his brain and he allowed himself to pretend it was Josh's arms wrapped around him instead of his own. He let Josh fill his mind. His contagious laugh, his glassy hazel eyes, the peachy blush over his soft skin.

His heart ached at how much he missed Josh. He longed to hold his hand again, to feel their lips together one last time. He wanted nothing more than that.

He was eventually able to drift off to sleep. When he did, it was the kind of rest that felt like being dead. There weren't any dreams, he didn't wake up throughout the night, it was a deep sleep that took his thoughts and threw them out the window. It was the kind of sleep he hadn't gotten in a long time. The gray he saw behind his eyes wasn't scary in that moment.

He spent the majority of the next week lying in bed, too depressed to get up, too tired to move, too angry to speak. Zack took care of him, even after Tyler pleaded him not to. He forced him to eat something every day, to drink a glass of water.

One night, Tyler decided to get up from his bed and stare out the window at a street lamp on the other side of an old road. It flickered, the snow beneath it reflecting it’s golden light. Tyler hadn't realized he was crying until Zack took him by the arm and asked him to watch a movie with him. The dim light outside had reminded Tyler of the candle Josh had lit in his room when the sky darkened.

The week after that, he started getting up more. His body moved, yet his thoughts continued to stay glued on Josh. He missed him. He missed him so unbelievably much.

Zack did his best to distract his brother, but it was harder than he thought it would be. His jokes sometimes got a smirk out of Tyler, occasionally a chuckle, but that was it.

Their mom had been home more, but that hindered Tyler's progress more than it helped him. Her presence was another thing to worry about. Another problem. He felt like he couldn't be honest with her about the way he was feeling, about his relationship with Josh. If that had been a relationship at all- of course. He had never gotten the opportunity to clear that up with Josh. And now he never would.

The next two months were a long mess of emotions. Anxieties, rage, tiredness, hopelessness, regret, and pain. The time passed, though. He got through it. Zack had started taking him on little walks around town, trying to show him some things he could find beauty in. It helped a bit. It mainly made him think about how much better his world was before it burned down before his eyes.

It was a point in his life of immense hurt that didn't seem to be fading the way Tyler's mom said it would.

It was on a chilly afternoon in early March that Zack encouraged Tyler to take another walk with him. Tyler got lost in his head. With every step, a new memory showed itself. A new image of Josh. Tyler was starting to forget what he looked like. He hated that. It hurt. No matter how much he tore at his hair or shouted in the shower he couldn't remember the patterns in Josh's eyes. He couldn't remember the shade of blue his hair was. He couldn't remember the slope of his nose or the size of his ear gauges. It was little things like that he missed more than anything, and it was the little things he couldn't remember.And, god, that stung.

Zack was talking to him. He felt bad that he wasn't listening. He only heard a couple words here and there. Zack deserved more of him, but he’d given himself to Josh and he was still trying to find that part of him to take it back.

He was so out of it that when he saw that sign, the one that started this all, the only thing he could do was stop and stare open-mouthed at it.

The fucking VR store. The reason all of this happened. His knuckles were white from being clenched so hard. Zack tugged him away, dragging him to the street corner to collapse in tears there.

“It's okay, Ty.” Zack mumbled, hugging Tyler in an attempt to make him feel better.

“It's not, Zack. I c-can’t stop thinking about him. I miss him so much.”

“I know you do. It's normal, right? You’ll get over him with time.”

Tyler gave Zack a horrified look. “I don't want to get over him.”

His brother pushed out a heavy breath, letting Tyler cry for a while.

“I didn't even get to say goodbye.” He choked out. He felt so sick.

“I'm sorry.” Zack responded quietly, trying his best to help but not knowing what to say.

Tyler just shook his head.

They took a different route home.

The next day, Tyler had an undying urge to go back to the shop. He didn't know what he was going for, what the point was, but something inside him was calling him there.

He snuck out when his mom had left for the day and Zack was still asleep.

Before he knew it, he was standing back in front of the building. He walked inside. The scent of cinnamon was still apparent, the room was still warm, the bell still went off when he walked inside.

The same boy from before walked out to greet him.

“Max, right?” Tyler asked, looking the boy up and down.

“Yep. How can I help you?”

“I uh… I was here before and- yknow, I really have no idea what I'm doing here.” Tyler mumbled, clearing his throat.

“I remember you.”

Tyler stood next to Max for a few seconds before leaning up to press their lips together. He _really_ didn't know what he was doing. He just knew that Max was kissing him back, and he was being pressed against a wall, and there were bony, tattooed fingers in his hair.

Maybe he thought kissing someone would take his mind off of Josh, maybe it would prove to him there were other people who could make him feel. Whatever he wanted to happen didn't. He felt even worse, like he was suffocating. He hurriedly pushed Max away.

“S-sorry, I just- sorry.” He mumbled, wanting to throw up.

“Hey, it’s fine. You okay?”

Of course Tyler started crying again. He wiped his tears away clumsily and told the other boy what had happened with Josh.

“I have an extra set you could use real quick if you want to see him again.” Max said after Tyler was done talking.

“B-but he was gone.”

“That can happen, but most of the time when it does if you go back it’ll work out. It takes a minute, though. I get it if you don't want to deal with i-”

“No, I want to see him.”

“Cool, I’ll go set everything up. All we’d need to do is scan you again, the machine will figure out what happened last time you visited and accumulate to that.”

“Okay.” Tyler nodded, watching Max get everything ready and fidgeting like crazy. His fingers tangled and he pulled at his skin until Max directed him to stand in front of the scanner. Once he'd scanned himself, Max hooked him up to the machine. Tyler entered the system to find himself in a room so foggy he could hardly see. He coughed after every inhale, reaching around until he found a wall. He found the room labeled Ameliorate fairly quickly, but noticed the door was completely black, no old wood, no moon.

He pushed it open and walked inside, waiting for the darkness to turn to grass and sky, but it never happened. “Josh?” He wasn't expecting much, but it still cut deep when nothing happened. Tears poured from his face onto his shirt. He was in so much pain he couldn't stand up. He knelt onto the ground, hiding his distressed face in his palms.

“I love you. I miss you more than anything.” He whispered. He’d rather say it to the ground than not say it at all. “You mean everything to me.” He shook, hating himself for even hoping Josh would be here. He wanted to hit himself.

“Joshua, I don't care if you’re human or not, I love you.” Tyler cried. He cried for a long time. He cried for so long that he lost all hope of Josh hearing him. “I'm so sorry for leaving. I should've stayed and listened, I should've l-let you finish talking, I s-should’ve-” He should have done anything besides what he did. He let his fingers wrap around his neck, tempted to apply pressure but not having the willpower to do it.

That's when he felt hands on his shoulders. His eyes flew open and he was met with hazel ones staring back. Tyler was frozen, the tears in his eyes giving the illusion of the figure before him having a halo.

“You’re an angel.” Tyler spoke softly, not thinking about what he was saying.

Josh's hair was white now, and the bags under his eyes looked almost as bad as Tyler's did. He smiled at Tyler's words, but he didn't look happy. His eyes brimmed with tears and his eyebrows were tight.

“I'm sorry.”

Tyler just blinked away tears.

“I love you so much, sweetheart. I'm so sorry, you have no idea.”

“You shouldn't be sorry, you didn't do anything.” Tyler responded when he was finally able to speak.

“Feels like I did.” Josh murmered, wiping his own cheeks with the back of his hand.

“I missed you.”

“I missed you too.”

Josh pulled Tyler into his arms and touched their lips together tenderly. Tyler wanted to melt into Josh. He never wanted to leave his side again.

“Tyler?”

“Yeah?”

“You’re my favorite thing in the whole world. I love you. I'm not going to leave. I'll always be here waiting for you. I promise.”

“But why weren’t you here last time?”

“They were in the middle of taking everything down, so I was… glitching out a bit. I was there, but you weren't able to tell. Seeing you like that- so upset…”

“Oh, Josh. I'm sorry.”

“It's okay, baby. I don't blame you for anything.”

“I don't deserve you.”

“Don't say that. You deserve so much more than me.”

Josh kissed Tyler so he couldn't argue. Tyler laughed the pain away. Josh was here. Josh still loved him. They were made for each other. He was so relieved.

The darkness around them eventually faded back into greens and blues and yellows. It was raining, but it was warm. The rain was inviting. It encouraged Tyler to let go. It soothed him.

The two boys walked along the beach, hand in hand. It wasn't perfect. That was okay. Josh's arms were strong and when they stopped walking Josh hugged him tighter than he’d ever been hugged. They sat in the rain, in each other's arms. Josh explained how he’d been feeling, that he felt as real as Tyler did. Tyler believed every word he spoke.

When Tyler had to leave, he opened his eyes to see Max and Zack staring down at where he was on the floor. Zack must have known where he'd headed to. Tyler smiled at the two of them like an idiot.

“He was there.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter  
> Idk if I should start a new fic when this is over or restart one of my old ones  
> I have an idea for a ww2 fic where they're soldiers and get captured but I feel like the world is crazy right now and I don't want to accidentally be divisive with it if that makes sense? I want to bring people together yknow  
> If not that I'd redo my fic "Don't Forget About me"  
> Or just start something different  
> Whatever  
> The next chapter will be a happy one <3  
> I'm sad to end this story


	10. Real Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops guess there'll be 11 chapters instead of 10

He saw Josh for a few hours every other day from that point on. He wished he could see him all the time, and he missed him to death when he was away from him, but both Zack and Josh convinced Tyler it was better this way. They were right. Tyler had time to catch up on his sleep, take care of himself, practice the piano, and talk to his brother. Not to mention he was getting a bit of exercise walking to the VR shop every other day to see his boyfriend.

When Max learned that Tyler’s mom didn't want him using VR and if he was caught things wouldn't go very well, he had kindly agreed to let him come and use the VR system in the store whenever he needed to. He even gave him a key after they'd spend some time getting to know each other. Apparently Joe was Max’s dad and the original owner of the store, and when he passed away unexpectedly Max inherited the building. He had told Tyler that the only reason the shop was still open was because of people walking a couple blocks to get their systems repaired, as most people bought the systems online. 

Tyler and Zack both got along well with Max, and on the occasions Zack would walk with his brother to the store he and Max would talk while Tyler visited Josh. It almost began to feel real- healthy, even, seeing the white-haired boy. 

Eventually, Tyler decided, he would tell his mom what was going on. But not until he was old enough to live on his own. When that time came he wouldn't have to worry about her getting too upset, she wouldn't have control over him at that point.

He spent the next year of his life that way, until his 18th birthday rolled around and he was provided with an apartment to live in about 100 miles away from his family's. When all his bags were packed and he said a temporary goodbye to his mom and to Zack, he felt almost sad to leave the sky blue walls of his childhood bedroom behind him. It was hard to ignore completely the pain that had made it’s home there over the years, from Tyler writing and promptly tearing up suicide notes he wasn't serious about to staying up all night sobbing because he felt so lost, there was a lot he was excited to leave behind. 

At the same time, he had met Josh in that room. He’d finished writing Trees in that room (he’d taken the words swarming in his head after the accident and during the lonely months without Josh and finally wrote the beautiful lyrics the piano notes deserved to be paired with). He’d reconnected with his brother in that room on the days he wasn't visiting Josh. 

No matter the good and the bad that took place in that room. He was starting over, and he was more hopeful than ever about his future. 

The first thing he did after stepping foot out of his old apartment building for the last time was look up. He gazed at the roof, the one he’d thought of jumping off of so much. He couldn't help but smile a little to himself. He was happy Zack saved him that night. He was happy he didn't try to jump again. He was happy to be alive.

His eyebrows twitched at that, body moving clumsily with bags piled on his back in the direction of the VR store. It felt weird to think that life was okay enough, maybe even good enough, to keep trying at it. But it felt right. He was hopeful. 

The second thing he did after leaving the apartment building was buy that damn VR set from Max.

The boy who'd intimidated Tyler endlessly the first time his eyes fell on him had become one of the most important people in Tyler's life- in his own way. He was the reason Tyler could find Josh, and while that whole thing didn't go quite as planned and there was the one huge bump in the road, he was overjoyed that Josh was his and he had the tattooed, crazy haired boy behind the counter to thank for that. He was grateful.

The third thing he did was get on a train and begin to set up in his new home. It wasn't big, the world was kind of low on space at the moment, but it was nice. It was a brown building rather than a gray one, and there was bright pink graffiti on the back wall that no one bothered to paint over or wash off. The change in color and scenery was nice. It reminded him that there was still more to see, however small. 

He had to admit it got lonely living without his brother, but the two boys adjusted well to the change. The transportation was fast, so they were able to see one another as often as they were able to catch a train and Tyler made sure to be there for every one of Zack’s basketball meets with the team he’d gotten on and every game he played in. 

After three long years of Tyler continuing to see Josh as much as he could without going crazy again, supporting and spending time with Zack, and learning new instruments and writing songs both with Josh's help and on his own, he read an article that made his heart stop. 

He had been checking the news on his phone, scrolling through boring announcements from the government, when he saw a title that he knew would change his life forever. It was almost too good to be true. It read:  _ The creators of the widely used 3rd update VR system have announced the launch of the first ever AI robots who’s consciousness originated in their VR. _

With shaking hands, Tyler read the rest of the article. To summarize, it meant that within the next year the company would be taking requests in the form of paperworks being filled out and signed as well as an evaluation of the AI to make sure they weren't a danger. Then, if everything went smoothly, they’d give the consciousness of the selected AI to a body designed to fit the desires of the AI and the human ordering them. They would made sure everything looked and felt like a real human being, they'd been perfecting the mechanics for decades and had finally gotten the prototypes right. 

What did that mean? Tyler could meet Josh. He could be with him in every world, he could make it work for  _ real _ . 

He hurriedly ran to the living room where he’d set the VR set up the previous day and took it out, entering it and rushing to that familiarly labeled door and entering his home. 

“Josh?” He called out, too excited to get scared when he felt a tap on his shoulder from someone behind him. He whipped around, a huge smile plastered on his face. “You always sneak up on me.” 

“Well you always appear out of nowhere, it's not really my fault.” Josh laughed, the same large smile mirrored on his face. “Did you hear, then?” He asked, pulling Tyler in for a tight hug. 

“You know about it?” 

“Course I do, they inform us of changes like this. Not exactly sure why, probably so we don't feel out of the loop and get resentful or something.” Josh mused. He shook his head right after, leaning in to kiss Tyler passionately. “Ty, we’ll get to actually be together.”

“I know, J. I can't fucking think straight, I’m so happy.” He said, voice shaking due to the adrenaline still coursing through his veins at the news. 

“Me too, baby. Me too. I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Josh. So much.” Tyler mumbled back, eyes watering a little. He had everything he had ever wanted standing right in front of him.

.

One year later, after the applications were all filed and Tyler and Josh were accepted, Tyler got an email from the VR company saying Josh was ready to be picked up from the facility.

Tyler immediately began feeling dizzy with excitement. At the end of the email he was given the address of the building he needed to go to. It was a couple states away and a good hour long drive on the train. He was told to bring the acceptance letter and to show the receptionist the code on the bottom of it. He was also warned that they’d scan his fingerprints apon entry. That would give them all the information they needed to accept that this was in fact Tyler Robert Joseph.

Tyler jumped off the couch he was sitting on to set something up for Josh, rushed to get dressed, and headed to the train station.

As he got onto the next train heading where he needed to go, acceptance sheet folded nicely in his pocket, the nerves set in.

He was wearing a plain white t-shirt as well as his usual black skinny jeans and he suddenly felt very self conscious about his appearance. 

Was the choice in outfit too casual? Did he look good? Was his hair getting too long? 

He tried to shake the thoughts away, reminding himself that Josh didn't care about that kind of thing, but his brain remained full of questions on the ride.

He was 22 now. He’d been in love with Josh for 7 years of his life, and this was the first time he’d see him in person. It was a terrifying feeling, but one he was so, so, ecstatic to be experiencing.

It felt like years before he finally arrived at his destination, and he was so relieved to breathe the air outside- even if it mostly consisted of smoke. 

He made his way into the huge hospital like building. He was greeted by a small black haired woman in uniform who smiled at him and asked him to lift his hand up so she could scan his finger. 

“Tyler R Joseph?”

“That’s me.”

“Do you have your code?”

“Uh…” He hummed, reaching into his pocket and clumsily unfolding the paper, handing it to her. She turned it around and the realization hit him that he’d handed it to her upside down.

_ Good job, Tyler. You’ve always been one for making great first impressions, haven't you? _ He thought angrily, thankfully hiding his embarrassment well from the lady. 

“Alright, sir. Your friend is on the 5th floor, room 16. It'll be on your right.

After Tyler was given back his paper,he hesitated a moment, not knowing where the elevator or stairs were located. The woman must have noticed, because she spoke up rather quickly. 

“Would you like me to escort you there, Mr. Joseph?”

Tyler laughed a little. He hadn't been called Mr. Joseph before. He wasn't sure he liked it. Regardless, he thanked the woman and accepted the offer gratefully. 

She led him to the elevator, allowing him to step in before her. He tapped his foot the whole way up, progressively moving it faster and faster until they were at the correct floor. The elevator door opened and the woman led him to Josh’s room.

“It'll be okay.” She whispered to him as she opened the door. She gave him a small pat on the shoulder and smiled.

“Thanks.” He smiled back as best he could. He could feel his lips quivering.

He entered the room to find 3 middle aged individuals who were dressed in lab coats staring at him.

“Paperwork?” 

“Right, uh- it's here.” He spoke shakily, handing the paper to the employees. They nodded after checking it over.

“He’s in the office over there. You can go greet him anytime you want to, we’ll be waiting out here to go over some contractual stuff with you both when you’re ready.” 

“Sounds good.” He said, tone not mirroring his words. He looked to the entrance to the little office and gulped to try and help his dry throat.

After a minute longer of staring at that white door, he opened it and walked in. His jaw dropped when he saw Josh sitting in an uncomfortable looking chair, breathtaking almond eyes on him. He stood up as soon as Tyler closed the door.

“Hi.” He whispered, expression full of nothing but love, strong arms open wide to invite Tyler to hug him.

“Hi.” Tyler echoed, voice somehow even smaller than Josh's. He stumbled forward into Josh's arms, which were quick to wrap around him and hold him close. 

“Tyler.” Josh mumbled into Tyler's fluffy hair, eyes squeezed shut as he was overcome with emotion.

“Josh.” Tyler responded, burying his face in Josh's plain gray shirt. 

They stayed glued into each other's arms for a long time before Josh finally broke the comfortable silence.

“I had no idea this is what everything’s actually like. From what you told me I figured it was a lot more… empty.” Josh said, pulling Tyler down to sit on top of him after he’d fallen back into the chair. 

Tyler gladly placed his body on top of Josh's, curling up against him. 

“This is a pretty big city. Used to be LA before it ran out of money. Back home it’s a lot quieter, no one's ever out. But everything's been getting less lonely over the years.”

Josh chuckled. 

“What?”

“You’re so cute in person.”

Tyler giggled. “I look the same, though.”

Josh smirked, ruffling his boyfriend's brown hair affectionately. “Right, but you look more lively. Like a person, not a projection of a person. I've been noticing that recently, people move a lot more freely out here than they do back home.”

Tyler’s heart twisted a little. He hadn't really thought about how Josh would adjust to the change.

“Do you like it here?” He asked shyly.

“I do now that you're with me. It was pretty scary at first, when they were testing me. I didn't like that very much.” Josh spoke, shivering a little.

Tyler's eyes widened and he looked up to Josh. “Did they hurt you, or...?” 

Josh kissed Tyler's forehead. “No, sweetheart. They were just doing what they had to, but I’m not used to being around so many people and there were a lot of glitches that weren't exactly fun to experience.” Josh's eyes lost focus as he began to remember the last few months in detail. There was amusement in his voice when he spoke next. “There was one time they were asking me questions and I answered all of them in an Australian accent, yknow, to make them think they messed up somewhere along the line. They didn't think that was very funny.”

Tyler smiled. “I’m sure they didn't.”

They sat together for a moment longer before Josh tapped Tyler's thigh gently. “You ready to finish signing everything?” 

Tyler took the opportunity to hug Josh once more before hopping off his lap and allowing him to stand up. “Ready.”

Josh took Tyler's hand in his, leading him out of the office. The contact sent chills down his spine. It reminded him of the first time they’d held hands, years ago now, when they were teenagers. That was before Tyler had fallen in love with Josh, before he really knew who Josh was inside and out, but it had shot electricity through him then and it did the same now. He couldn't hold back his grin.

The boys were greeted by the same three workers on their way out, one of whom held out the final papers to sign and gave them the “quality guarantee” to take a look that (which made them both give each other uncomfortable glances).

When they'd left the building and gotten on a train heading back home, hand in hand, Tyler and Josh found seats together and sat a little too close to each other. Tyler noticed the other people on the train staring at them awkwardly. That realization made him smirk and rest his head on Josh's shoulder. Josh wrapped his arm around Tyler's waist. Tyler looked up at his boyfriend through thick brown lashes and saw the huge smile on his face before Josh covered his mouth with a hand.

He was happy people were looking at them. That was just a reminder that Josh was actually there, actually sitting next to him, actually  _ his _ . Josh was  _ his  _ and everyone around them knew it. 

Tyler brushed his plump lips against Josh's neck before leaning up to whisper in his ear.

“I have a surprise for you when we get home.”

“So do I.” Josh whispered back, grinning.

Tyler raised an eyebrow at him before moving to place his head on Josh's shoulder again, closing his eyes. He must have been lulled to sleep by Josh's familiar scent and the slight shaking of the train, because when he opened his eyes again it was to Josh kissing the skin just in front of his ear and above his chin and whispering in his ear that the train had stopped. 

Tyler yawned before standing up and throwing his arm around Josh's shoulders to bring him away and lead him off the train, out of the train station, and along the sidewalk back to his apartment.

Once they'd made it inside, Tyler shut the door and sighed contentedly. 

Josh was gazing around the poorly decorated space, tilting his head a little, face confused. 

“Why’s everything white? Is it an aesthetic thing?” 

Tyler’s eyes moved to the spaces Josh was referring to. The white walls, desk, kitchen sink, counter, cupboards. 

He shrugged. “I've never known what colors to add. It felt wrong painting anything without you, so I left it alone. The pretty colors were always just for our cabin.” Tyler looked to Josh and smiled. “But I guess you’re here now, so you can help me paint.” 

Josh squeezed Tyler's shoulder. “That sounds so great.” The sentence was incredibly genuine.

“It's just painting.” He kindly reminded Josh.

“But it's painting  _ our  _ home. Together.” Josh mumbled, blushing a little. Tyler kissed him on the cheek. 

“So, yknow the surprise I was telling you about?” 

“Mhm.” 

“C’mere.” Tyler said, holding the door to his bedroom open and allowing Josh to walk in first. When they were both inside, Tyler opened the top drawer of his old wooden dresser and pulled out a little box.

He gripped it tightly in his hand and turned to face Josh, who’s expression was unreadable. 

“I know this isn't very romantic, and I wish I could have thought of the perfect way to do it, bu-”

Josh interrupted him mid sentence once he started to get down on one knee.

“You’re kidding.” 

Tyler froze, almost dropping the box in his hand. His heart was already beating out of his chest, now it seemed not to be beating at all.

“Wha- no. Sorry, I- I don't know, I should have given you some time to settle in. S-sorry.” He mumbled, standing back up awkwardly, gaze falling to the ground.

“Tyler fucking Joseph, look at me right now.” Josh said almost as if he were scolding him. Tyler listened, looking back up to his face.

Josh’s eyes were watering, but there was a painfully large grin on his face. He pulled something out of the front pocket of his skinny jeans. It was a black ring, and when Tyler realized that he started to cry too.

Josh knelt down before him and tugged on his shirt to encourage him to join him on the floor.

“Keep going, please.”

Tyler got down next to Josh and with shaking hands held out the white gold ring he'd picked out months ago. 

“You mean everything to me, Josh. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and I know we’re literally made for each other so it's not like we'd end our relationship, but I want to let everyone else know that too. I want you to be my husband. Will you marry me?”

“Yes. Yes, Tyler.” Josh murmered. After the ring was slipped on his finger, he added “You kind of ruined my proposal with yours, but god I love you so much.” He held out the black ring in his palm, taking it and placing it on Tyler's finger. “Fuck, you’re perfect.” He laughed, soft skin shining from his tears.

Tyler leaned forward, wiping away Josh's tears and brushing their lips together. “So are you.” He spoke gently. 

“You wanna show me around the apartment?” Josh grinned.

“Yeah, I should probably let you know where everything is.” Tyler responded before slowly standing up and showing Josh around. When he'd done that he and Josh were sitting on the couch.

“I have to call my mom.” Tyler said casually.

“Yeah?”

“She still doesn't know about us.”

“You gonna tell her?”

“Yeah.”

Josh smiled. “You should. She’ll like me. I’m very charming.”

Tyler chuckled. “Oh, I know you are. I'm just worried she won't give you a chance.”

Josh nodded. “Everything will be fine.” 

“I can only hope so.” He mused, pulling out his phone and clicking on his mom's name in his contacts. “Is it fine if I talk to her for a bit?”

“Of course. Do you want me to give you some privacy or…?”

“You can just sit here if you want, you know about everything I have to tell her.”

“Okay.” 

Tyler presses the call button and hold the phone up to his ear, chewing on his bottom lip while it was ringing.

“Tyler, I appreciate you calling but I’m working right now.” He heard when she picked up the phone.

“Hello to you too. This is important.” 

He heard a sigh. “Okay. Go ahead.”

“You sitting down?” 

“Actually, yes. What do you have to tell me?”

“Uh, so yknow when the whole fiasco happened with me accidentally almost dying and the VR set?”

“Oh, god.” He could hear the stress in her voice already.

“I'll take that as a solid yes. So, turns out that I never stopped using VR.”

Silence.

“I'm engaged by the way.” 

“ _ What? _ ”

“Yep. To a robot. Hopefully that's not too crazy. I don't know, I think he’s pretty cool.”

“A  _ robot _ ?”

“Mhm, how about we all have dinner together sometime? I can explain things better then. Any time works for us. 'Kay, bye, talk to you l-”

“Tyler Robert Joseph, if you hang up on me I-”

He hung up.

Josh was staring at him awkwardly. “So…?”

“We’re having dinner with my mom sometime soon. Oh and I’ll make sure Zack’s there too.”

“Didn't sound like your mom agreed to anything, but sure.”

“I can't argue with her right now, I don't want to ruin the mood I’m in.”

“So you call your mom and practically give her a heart attack instead of just waiting til tomorrow when you don't have to worry about that?” Josh snickered.

“Good point.” He giggled, reaching out and grabbing Josh's calloused hand.

He was just  _ so fucking happy. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so i finally have inspiration to finish this fic yay  
> I missed writing about my boys, I hope this was worth two months with no update, the next update won't take nearly as long I promise! Let me know what you think, I hope the ending will be just as fluffy and cute as you hoped! Thank you all so much for reading and commenting, it means the world to me   
> My mental health has been all over the place this year, it went downhill for a long time but I'm finally getting better and writing is one of the things that helps and writing this fic has been so great, it's almost over and that's crazy, I'm sad to leave the story behind and excited to think of new ones  
> I won't stop writing and I hope you won't stop reading either <3  
> Also uh have I talked about Jumpsuit and Natn yet? I missed them so much I'm so happy they're back I'm both excited and nervous for trench  
> Oh and this chapter is a long one, glad I had enough left in me to do it justice


	11. The Conclusion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> from that nine second clip of my blood it's already my favorite song out of the three they've released so far  
> i'm so excited to hear trench  
> enjoy the final chapter!!

“Do I look okay?” Josh asked, fixing the collar of his white dress shirt anxiously.

“You look amazing, baby.” Tyler mumbled, kissing Josh’s jaw. Josh hadn't shaven in a week, so his face was a bit rough. Tyler liked it.

“Thanks.” He replied, lips turning up a little. “I know I’ve been saying that your family’s going to like me, but do you actually believe that?”

“Definitely. They're going to _love_ you. My mom might be harsh at first, but she’ll warm up to you. Everyone likes you.” It was true. Josh had only been in the real world for a week and a half and already was friends with the owner of the apartment building, the receptionist, five of their neighbors, the conductors of two of the trains that go through town often, and a little spider they’d found in their cupboard. He was a ray of sunshine, people flocked to him.

Josh looked down to hide his blush, but he couldn't. “You’re sweet.”

“And you’re cute. You ready to go? Don't want to miss the train.”

“Yep.”

They walked outside together, catching a train. When they got off, Tyler began to lead him through his old town, pointing to different alleyways and sidewalks and telling him where they led.

When they’d made it to Tyler's old apartment building, he took a deep breath before entering, holding Josh's hand. He was nervous too.

“It’ll be okay.” Josh muttered in his ear on the elevator ride up, sensing his discomfort.

“I don't know what my mom's going to say to me.”

“Mm.” Josh hummed, lips touching Tyler's neck for a moment before adding in a soft voice “try not to think about it too much”.

Tyler nodded. He couldn't hold back a toothy grin when he saw Josh's eyes looking up at him, completely honest and trusting. He was so lucky.

“There’s that smile.” Josh whispered, grinning back.

The elevator door opened and they got out, walking through the halls until Tyler stopped in front of his mom’s doorway. He rang the doorbell, struggling to press it for a moment because of his shaking hands. He wasn't a resident of the apartment anymore, so he wasn’t able to open the door with the eye recognition.

He waited a moment before stepping back when the doorknob started to turn. He felt like a kid again.

His mom stood in the doorway, eyes flicking anxiously between him and Josh. She cleared her throat before pulling Tyler in for a hug. She then stuck out her hand to shake Josh's.

“Nice to meet you.”

“You too.” He said, sounding more insecure than ever.

“Come on in, Zack's been talking non stop about how excited he is to see you.” She stood back to give them room to enter, Tyler locking his arm in Josh's to lead him in when he noticed the other man’s hesitation.

He felt his mother’s eyes locked on them even though he had his back to her.

Next thing he knew it, Zack was standing in front of the two of them.

“I've heard so much about you, man.” He said with a large smile on his face and brown eyes lit up. He practically jumped on Josh, hugging him tightly. “Thank you.” Tyler heard him whisper. He looked away before his eyes started to blur with tears.

 _Not today_.

Zack hugged Tyler next, mumbling that it had been a while since he'd seen him last.

Tyler nodded, glassy eyes meeting Josh's to see a huge grin on his face.

“I have everything set up if you guys are hungry.” Tyler's mom called.

Josh bit his knuckles and met Tyler's eyes again.

“It'll be okay, sweetheart.” He murmered before following Zack out to where he was already sat at the table, turning to make sure Josh was behind him. Once Josh sat down, Tyler sat next to him and squeezed his hand gently. They passed the food around and (at his mom’s request) prayed in thanks for the meal and company.

“So, Josh.” Tyler's mom started after they’d been sitting in awkward silence for a while. “Tell me about yourself.”

Tyler felt Josh's grip on his hand tighten before he opened his mouth to respond.

“Well, I uhm- I’m an extrovert, unlike Tyler. I think family's really important. I play the drums. I'm not very good-”

“He’s very good.” Tyler couldn't help but interrupt.

Josh laughed, continuing on. “I really like being outside and seeing new places, creatures, that type stuff. Hate being cooped up.”

Tyler's mom nodded. “What’s your family like?” And upon seeing Tyler and Josh both freeze up a little bit realized she had made a mistake. “Oh, I’m sorry, I-”

“No, no it's okay. It's a… it's hard to explain, but I’ll try. So, I don't actually have a family, which really sucks, but I have memories of them. Like, I know I’m supposed to have a brother and two sisters and I remember what my parents are like. Just false memories to shape who I am, I guess. But man, I love them. My little brother, Jordan, loved anything creative, whether it was carving or making paper airplanes. My sister, Ashley was a writer. Man, she was good at it too. My littlest sister, Abby, was an angel. The most recent memories I have of her are of when she was twelve, so she was still figuring everything out. She was so much fun to be around, though. My mom was the kindest, most faithful person you’d ever know and my dad loved her and us kids so much.” Josh hummed a little, the kind of noise one made when trying to soothe themself. Tyler couldn't tear his eyes away from Josh’s quivering lip. “I would’ve loved to actually know them.”

His mom spoke up carefully. “I hope we can be just as great of a family to you as yours was.”

“Thank you.” Josh mumbled sincerely, wiping at his eyes.

“What did you think of Tyler when you first met him?” Zack asked after Josh was looking better.

Josh grinned, face lighting up at the question. “I knew he was the person I was waiting for. I thought he was incredible. A little socially awkward, but incredible.”

Tyler saw his mom chuckle a little bit and he smiled, looking down and feeling his face flush.

“What’d you think of me, Ty?” Josh asked, turning his attention to him.

“Oh, man. I distinctly remember you taking my breath away. Like, literally. You just appeared right behind me, it freaked me out.”

“Hey, I can’t help it if you show up right in front of me.” Josh laughed softly.

“That's fair.” Tyler remarked, brushing his fingers through Josh's blonde hair for a second before remembering that his mom and Zack were both there with them. He removed his hand and laughed awkwardly.

“I'm glad you're happy.” His mom spoke under her breath, focusing her attention back on the food sitting on her plate.

“I am too.” Tyler beamed.

After they'd finished dinner and discussed things ranging from Josh's favorite things to whether or not he would want to come to Zack's next basketball game (the look of joy on his face when Josh told him “of course” was priceless), Tyler's mom pulled Josh aside to talk to him in private for a few minutes.

When they'd left the room, Tyler leaned in a bit. “Do you think everything went well?”

“Yeah! Josh is so cool.” Zack exclaimed.

“He really is. You like him then?”

“Duh. You really didn't do him justice describing him. He said he knew how to skateboard, do you think he'd teach me? I finally have someone other than your whiny ass and my teammates to hang out with.” Zack teased light-heartedly.

“Hey!” Tyler said, a bit insulted but giggling regardless.

“Would he want to be around me?”

“Definitely. You heard how much he loved his siblings. I'm sure he’s happy to _actually_ have one.”

Tyler saw Zack's face light up before his gaze focused back on the room Josh and his mom had disappeared in.

When they walked out together, Tyler could see Josh trying his hardest not to smile, hair ruffled and eyes red. He walked up to Tyler and gripped his hand tightly.

“Ready?”

“Ready.”

Walking out the door, Tyler had a feeling his mom liked Josh almost as much as he did.

When they were alone together in the elevator, Tyler jumped into Josh's arms, pressing little kisses up and down his neck.

“Tyler!” Josh exclaimed, giggling a little. “I love you so much.” He mumbled into Josh's skin.

“I love you too.” Josh responded warmly. “I like your family.”

“And they like you.”

Josh hummed, pulling Tyler closer and kissing the top of his head. The elevator door opened to let them out and Tyler could hear Josh huff out a breath when he had to let him go.

.

A week later, Tyler stood together in the cramped space of their bathroom with Josh sat on a chair in front of him.

“You sure you trust me to do this?” He asked, eyes scanning the directions on the bottle of hair dye he was holding one last time.

“Of course. If you somehow manage to fuck up, we can always try again. But it's pretty simple. Just slap it on there and you'll be fine.”

Tyler ruffled Josh's hair with his gloved hand. “Alright.” He opened the cap of the semi permanent dye and poured it out into his palm. “This is really unprofessional.” He mumbled offhandedly while running the bright yellow color through Josh's blonde curls.

“When have we ever cared about being professional?” Josh chuckled, eyes flitting about in the mirror, watching Tyler's face. Tyler had his bottom lip between his teeth, his dark eyebrows furrowed in concentration. He looked up to see that Josh was staring and blushed before turning his attention back to the older boy’s hair.

“You’re gonna look so cute.” He said. Ever since Josh mentioned he wanted to dye his hair again Tyler had been trying to hint at yellow. That is, until Josh flat out asked him. Josh absolutely loved the idea, so there they were.

“I already look cute.” Josh said, scrunching up his nose in the way that he knew made Tyler's heart twist.

Tyler grinned. “Cuter. You’ll look cuter.”

“I already am c-”

“Shut up, Josh.”

“Make me.”

Tyler’s breath caught in his throat. “Fuck you, I’m trying to do something.”

“Then I win.”

“It's almost like you want your hair to look bad.”

“Almost.”

“I could walk away right now, yknow.”

“Do it. I dare you.”

Tyler glanced over to the door before directing his gaze back to Josh. He smirked at the playful look on his face.

“Nah. I like you too much.”

“That’s what I thought.”

“You really are pushing it, though.” Tyler added sternly.

Josh snickered a little. “Sorry, baby.”

“That's what _I_ thought.” Tyler teased, finishing saturating the color through Josh's hair and peeling his gloves off, throwing them on the counter.

“Ty?”

“Hmm?”

“You did a good job.”

Tyler's face broke into a smile. He was expecting more teasing and was surprised that’s not what he got.

“Thanks. I like the color, babe.”

“Me too.”

Tyler brushed his lips against Josh's, leaning up a little to rub their noses together softly afterwards. “I can’t wait to see it all done.”

Josh sighed contentedly. “You’re so sweet.”

Tyler’s eyes met Josh's, their foreheads resting together. “I’m getting in the shower with you when you wash the dye out.”

Tyler could feel the air from Josh's parted lips brush over his own as he exhaled. “I'm so in love with you.” He mumbled incredulously.

After about 40 minutes of joking around in their kitchen, the timer they'd set went off and Josh took Tyler's hand in his own, leading him back to the bathroom. He pulled his own shirt over his head, careful not to get dye on it.

He kissed Tyler gently before turning the water on and helping Tyler take his own shirt off. He gripped his exposed hips before kissing Tyler's cheek and unbuttoning his jeans.

“It feels wrong trying to be serious with the dye in my hair.” He giggled, tongue poking through the gaps in his white teeth.

“It’ll be out soon enough, just take off your clothes.” Tyler breathed, moving Josh's hands off him so he could slide his pants and boxers down, watching Josh do the same. “You’re pretty.” Tyler added, glancing at Josh's freckled back before moving the shower curtain aside enough to step in.

If he would’ve waited a moment longer he’d have seen Josh's face light up.

“You’re pretty too.” He spoke up after clearing his throat and hopping in the shower next to Tyler.

Tyler stepped out of the way and let Josh stick his head into the water. A wash of yellow poured down the drain continuously as Josh scrubbed his hair clean with his hands. When the water ran clear, he looked up to Tyler and rubbed his eyes to keep the water out of them.

“Turn around.”

Tyler listened, moving so that his back was pressed into Josh's chest. Josh took some body wash in his hands and ran them over Tyler's chest, sucking purple marks onto his neck.

“I can't believe we haven't done this before.”

Tyler melted into his touch. “Well, we’ve been busy.”

Josh made a noise in the back of his throat that sounded questioning.

“Mostly.” Tyler added.

Josh nodded before pulling Tyler back a little to wash the soap off his smooth skin. His breathing picked up when Josh began rubbing circles on his thighs with his fingertips and pressing closer to him.

“I need you.” Josh huffed, moving his fingers so they brushed in a little further.

“Please.” Tyler whined, dropping his head back and letting it rest on Josh's shoulder.

“Ty, let me take you on the sink. I wanna see your pretty face while I fuck you.” He growled into Tyler's ear, voice commanding yet gentle.

“O-okay.” Tyler sighed, licking his lips before shivering when Josh turned the warm water off. He threw a towel at Tyler after quickly “drying off” (he still had water droplets falling from his hair and chest). Tyler rolled his eyes, but wasn't about to say anything.

He hopped out of the shower after he was dry and gasped when Josh grabbed him and lifted him onto the sink.

By the time they were done, Tyler's chest was stained yellow and Josh's eyes were damp. They couldn't stop smiling.

.

In the time leading up to the wedding, they made sure to get a lot done.

They painted the walls blue. Blue like the sky, blue like the sea, blue like Tyler's old room, blue like Josh's old hair. They painted clouds on the ceilings, trees on the doors. If they were being honest, it looked like two five year olds had been given jars of paint and paintbrushes. But it was innocent looking, pure and sweet. It made Tyler smile whenever he looked up and saw the white splatter on the the wall where Josh accidentally dripped some paint.

Of course they still visited their home in VR, still swam in their ocean, still climbed the trees, still picked dandelions and watched sunsets together. But they were happy being away from that world, too. They were at home in their little apartment as well, a beautiful splash of color in the gray.

They booked a date at Tyler's mom's church, ordering yellow and white bouquets of wildflowers (sadly they couldn't be real flowers, the smoke had strangled most of those). The only people they knew to invite were Zack and Mrs. Joseph, but that was okay. They didn't want to have a huge dinner afterwards, they didn't want anything to be fancy. They just wanted to be together.

.

Tyler carried a backpack with his tux and the faux flowers on the train to the church the day of their wedding. Josh sat next to him, bright hair ruffled from the sleepless night they’d had, tired eyes fixated on Tyler's face. They'd talked most of the night, talked about the things they wanted to do together, the places they wanted to go, the life they planned to live. In the early hours of the morning, they had lied awake under their sheets, fingers and bodies intertwined as they held one another. They were excited for the future, yes. But they were living in the moment. They loved where they were. They loved one another. As long as they were one, any future they had would be okay.

They hopped off the train to find themselves in a smaller city, one where buildings weren't so tall and there were hints of green scattered around. The church was nice, although it was nothing like the old churches he’d heard about. The ones with stained glass windows and domed ceilings, the ones made of marble and stone.

Tyler liked it anyways.

He got ready in a room away from where his mom was talking to the pastor and preparing for the ceremony. He’d been to the church a few times before, it was a ways away so he didn't attend often (his mom had never been happy about that). Josh was already adjusting his suit and asking Tyler for help tying his bowtie (the sweet boy had never worn a tie before). Tyler smiled and gladly helped him, admiring the contrast of the white and black clothing and his sunshine yellow hair. Zack was waiting outside of the room while they finished tidying up, head resting against the door carefully. He was the best man, which didn't say much considering there weren't any other men invited. He would have been in that position regardless. He’d stopped to check in and make sure everything was going fine while their mom helped to set up the ceremony.

When Tyler and Josh were finally ready, they began to walk to the altar, hand in hand. This wasn't how marriages were supposed to take place. No music, two guests. But not much about their relationship was exactly traditional.

They stood together at the altar, priest obviously amused at the situation. He was close friends with Tyler's mom, and he caught them sneaking looks at each other a few times. It took some strength to ignore that.

“We are gathered here today to celebrate the relationship of Tyler Joseph and Joshua Dun, who have made the decision to join together in marriage. This ceremony will be a short one, and I’ll start off by asking the men I’ve just named to share their vows.”

Tyler was pulling out the paper from his pocket when he heard Josh clear his throat and ruffle the paper he’d brought. Tyler stopped his movements to look up at him.

“Tyler, ever since the moment I saw you I knew you were going to be the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. And that has nothing to do with the fact that I was made to feel that way. No, I remember seeing you standing in the middle of the field with your mouth wide open, staring at the sky. That's how I knew. You’ve always been so in awe of the beauty in life, and I will continue to love you for that and for so much more. You never fail to make me smile, to help me out when I need it, to treat me like a king, to make my heart ache because of how much I love you. And I vow to try to do the same for you. I vow to stay by your side through everything. I vow to give all my affection to you. I vow to try over and over again every day to show you that there's joy in living, and to keep you here for as long as I can.”

Josh's voice failed a bit at the end, but Tyler had tears falling down his face.

“Goddammit, Josh.” He mumbled, wiping his eyes before unfolding the notes he’d written down and taking a couple breaths. “When we first met, I was broken. I was scared and sad and I saw no reason to continue on. As soon as I laid eyes on you, something shifted. You're the light in my life, my sunshine, you’ve always been. I adore you.” He couldn't continue, voice shaking too much. Josh rubbed soothing circles on his upper arm, smiling despite the tears in his eyes. “T-that’s what you told me, all those years ago. Before we first kissed.”

“I remember.” Josh grinned, encouraging him to go on.

“I'm still as in love with you as I was then. I'll always be. You captivate me in every moment, it still takes my breath away each time we touch. You’re my favorite thing about waking up in the morning and the reason why I’m always excited to do so. J, I vow to always do my best to take care of you. I vow to hold you up and give you the love and respect you deserve. I promise to hold my tongue when I need to. I will strive to make you feel valued and safe. And, lastly, I vow to be the best darn husband I can be. Because that's all I could hope for from you.”

Tyler's heart beat out of his chest as his eyes scanned Josh's, seeing the love he felt in that moment reflected back at him.

“Do you have the rings?” The priest asked Zack after giving the two a moment to connect.

“Yeah.” Zack murmered, holding out the small case they were stored in.

They’d picked out matching plain silver rings, they weren't fans of the flashier ones.

“Tyler, do you take Josh as your lawfully wedded husband?”

“I do.” He spoke softly, watching Josh's careful fingers slide a ring on his own.

“Josh, do you take Tyler as _your_ lawfully wedded husband?”

“I do.” He said immediately, holding out his hand for Tyler to put the remaining ring on his finger.

“Then I pronounce you husband and husband. You may kiss the groom.”

Josh practically leapt forward, kissing Tyler softly but intensely. Tyler almost wouldn't let go, smiling against his now husband's lips and pressing closer when he moved away. Josh just laughed and allowed Tyler to kiss him a few moments longer.

They'd decided that Josh would take Tyler's last name, considering that Josh didn't have a family on his side and he’d prefer to be considered a Joseph.

Tyler looked to Zack, who gave him a thumbs up, and then to his mother, who hugged him tightly, mascara running down her face. “I'm so proud of you.” She whispered, pulling Josh into the hug too. They were all so happy.

.

Tyler fell asleep that night huddled next to the love of his life under linen sheets. Josh had forgotten to take the faux white rose Tyler had put behind his ear while getting ready for bed out of his hair. Tyler's fingers were tangled in Josh’s and all he felt was warmth. He had everything he ever needed. The world was cold and lonely, but he was safe where he was. He wasn't alone.

Maybe he wasn't meant to do anything special. Maybe he wasn't made to change the world. Maybe his purpose was to encourage Zack to do that. Maybe it was to fall in love with Josh and sing him the songs he wrote.

Maybe his purpose could be whatever he wanted it to be.

His chest rose and fell in sync with Josh's. He would fall asleep in his husband's arms every night for the rest of his life, and he was so much more than okay with what he had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay im so sad this story is over and it's time to say goodbye to it, but so happy i stuck with it and finished! i hope you've enjoyed the journey as much as i have, and i hope you stick around for the next one <3 thanks so much to everyone who's commented, it means the world to me and has really pushed me to want to continue writing  
> im working on the plot and doing research for a new fic that I'll be sticking with to the end, im excited to start on that  
> i hope you all have a wonderful day ||-//


End file.
